Indecision
Hi everyone I found this site today and I am very pessimistic about the future.
Let me start with my background. I am 22 years old and from Malaysia. I didn't go to university due to illness and the pandemic. I have been working as a private school manager for a year (minimum salary). It was fun at first but now I feel like I have nothing to do and can't improve myself. I play games with a Korean girl every night. I want to study and work abroad but I feel like my boss will have a hard time accepting me if I leave at the last minute. I want to study English hard but this environment doesn't allow me to.
I am 22 years old, I have low self-esteem, no confidence, no real friends for 4-5 years, I have never had a college life, I am ugly, thin (89lbs), short (5.18ft), I have eczema (Frequent peeling of the skin), I often bow my head, my scoliosis has become more serious, I want to go to the gym or run but I can't make the correct posture (long and short legs), my neck often leans to one side and I can't breathe smoothly.
I feel that I have missed a lot in my life, I really want to improve myself (study abroad part-time and make myself normal), I long to be with this girl who plays games with me all the time. (I have never met this girl), no matter what I use identities are, Because I once gave up on real life, but it was this girl who said goodnight to me every night while playing games that cheered me up again. Want to be better and thank this girl in real life. But the gap between Malaysia and South Korea is too big...
Now I need everyone's encouragement to help me....
@vall11 Hey Val! Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you’re facing a lot of challenges right now, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and uncertain about the future. It’s clear that you have a strong desire to improve yourself and your situation, which shows a lot of resilience and determination.
Feeling stuck in your current job and wanting to pursue further studies and opportunities abroad must be really frustrating, especially when you’re dealing with health issues and self-esteem struggles. Your connection with the girl you play games with every night seems to be a significant source of comfort and motivation for you, which is really heartwarming. It’s also understandable to feel like you’ve missed out on certain experiences, like university life and social connections, especially given the impacts of illness and the pandemic. Acknowledging these feelings is an important step towards finding ways to move forward.
