Accept the Present
Goal
To be able to acknowledge your feelings
Accept the Present
The first step to getting through a break up is to acknowledge the feelings that come with the break up. Sometimes it is difficult to admit that you are feeling down. Other times, you may find it difficult to hold back your emotions. Working through your feelings is important. However, it is also important to find balance. While journaling about a break up may seem like it helps, not everyone receives benefits from writing down their feelings. A recent study showed that recently divorced or separated individuals who journal regularly actually showed the least progress in processing their emotions1. Here are some activities to help as well as some activities to avoid:
Do:
- Spend some time expressing your emotions.
- Share your feelings with close friends who can remain balanced and empathetic.
Example: Jordan was angry when his fiancée, Bianca, ended their engagement. He was confused by the intensity of his reaction, and finally decided to talk to his close friend about his feelings. Brian listened to Jordan’s side of the story without giving advice or criticizing him.
Don’t:
- Ignore positive feelings or experiences. It can be easy to let the break up color your view of everything else. Some people start to view life as either all bad or all good, which makes it difficult for them to recover from the break up.
- Spend a lot of time with friends who increase your negative feelings.
Example: Jane’s recent break up with her boyfriend James was shocking to their group of mutual friends. Jane’s friend Ariana was extremely angry that James broke up with Jane over text. Every time she talked to Jane, Ariana mocked James, criticizing him and telling Jane that he was never a good boyfriend. Jane felt confused after spending time with Ariana. Although she agreed with some of Ariana’s points, she still felt sad that James had ended their relationship. Jane decided she either needed to stop spending so much time with Ariana, or she needed to ask Ariana to stop talking about James.
1. Sbarra, D. A., Boals, A., Mason, A. E., Larson, G. M., & Mehl, M. R. (2013). Expressive writing can impede emotional recovery following marital separation. Clinical Psychological Science, 1(2), 120-134.
