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xcassx
312 M Embraced 2
PathStep 21 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts23 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2019 Member sinceMay 13, 2017
Recent forum posts
Need to move forward-- don't know how
Anxiety Support / by xcassx
Last post
 August 5th, 2018
...See more Hi, I dated a guy 3yrs ago who was incredibly abusive for a year. He eventually wound up being my rapist. I've been struggling for a while to get over that whole relationship, after we broke up I put it in the back of my head and built up a wall to forget, and masked my feelings with other guys and getting drunk and being totally irresponsible.. about 5mo before I met my current fiance, that wall broke down in my head and everything hit me. I've been trying to deal with it ever since. I saw a couple therapists and gave up after my last one thought I missed him. It was the same day I told her he raped me & he was abusive. If there was one thing I wish I could change I would've never met him, because he messed me up in a lot of terrible ways. I can't believe I have to make it clear, but I don't miss him or want him back. I'm trying to get over what he did to me and I can't. It's not fair that he can come and ruin my life and he gets to move on and be happy because I was nice to him during the abuse. I can't keep myself away from stalking his sister's & some of his profiles when I'm depressed, not because I miss him, but because I just want to see him hurt, and it makes me seem like a terrible person but it makes me happy to see that he's not happy so he gets a tiny taste of what he did to me. How do I stop the panic attacks? How do I stop the stalking & thinking? The paranoia? My fiance is so supportive thru everything and I love him to death, but this is getting so old.. Thank you,
Not sure what's going on?
Anxiety Support / by xcassx
Last post
 February 2nd, 2018
...See more Hi, I've dealt with severe anxiety for years now, and I would like some input on what's going on currently as I can't get ahold of my psychologist & am without answers. For the past month I've been having frequent nightmares for no reason. For example a whole week it was about my boyfriend, but he's been nothing but great to me. Now they've worsened to demonic type dreams, and it's every time I try to sleep. Multiple times a day. I also had an experience about a week ago nobody, even my boyfriend's mom who's a nurse could really explain. I fully hallucinated for 3-4 minutes, a full hallucination of my boyfriend but he was talking like he were possessed, but running thru the motions like he were getting ready for work. He was glitching around like something would in a horror game. I tried to break out of it but I was in a trance and couldn't for another couple minutes. I just feel like things are progressively getting worse and it's making me a little nervous. Any advice? I'd never hallucinated before either, I wasn't dehydrated, dreaming, and I don't use drugs.. the hallucination was a full blown one too, I saw very clear, I heard noises very clear, everything was believable. It was like I had time warped back to 5am and then within 5mins back to 7:30am. Thank you,
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