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witchybirdie
7 2,199 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 106 Compassion hearts283 Forum posts63 Forum upvotes79 Current upvotes79 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 3, 2025
Bio

I'm Birdie! I'm 31, queer, he/they. I'm super into games, especially cozy games, and I love making friends. 💜 My favorite color is purple, and my favorite animal is penguins! I have Bipolar II, BPD, and ADHD. I'm pretty sure there's more that I can't think of. I am horrible at introductions, so feel free to ask me anything! I do my best to be an open book. 💜

Recent forum posts
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Interviews!
Positivity & Gratitude / by witchybirdie
Last post
 12 hours ago
...See more As I've posted about in other forums, I've had horrible luck with my job. It's a horrible, toxic, abusive environment. Well, I've gotten an interview through an application and I've had two recruiters reach out to me to schedule interviews after seeing my resume on Indeed! If they, my current employer, doesn't do something soon, I should have other options and I'm super grateful for that! Anything positive going on with y'all?
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Crochet!
Arts & Crafts / by witchybirdie
Last post
 13 hours ago
...See more Hi all! I really want to get into crochet, but I'm so nervous about being bad at it and I don't have the patience to sit and do it. Does anyone have any tips or getting over the nerves? I don't think anyone can help with the patience part haha
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Haunting of Hill House
TV & Movies / by witchybirdie
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more I've recently been obsessed with Haunting of Hill House. I thought it would be cathartic for grieving my mother's passing, and I was entirely right. But now I can't stop watching it. The realness of their grief and their humanity, in spite of the supernatural elements, is gripping me in a way I didn't fully expect. I thought it would be helpful, but I had no idea it would be this helpful. Does anyone else have a show/movie that is just catharsis in visual form?
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My mom passed
Grief & Loss / by witchybirdie
Last post
 1 day ago
...See more It wasn't recent. It was in March. March 11th 2024 at 3.05 pm. I think part of me died, too. It was so traumatic. She lived in Texas, and I lived in Illinois. I thought she was getting better. She told me so, the family told me so. Then one day, my aunt texts me that my mom is in the hospital. I panicked. I realized. I asked if I should come down. I didn't know how I would. We were paycheck to paycheck. Less than that even. Aunt said no. Several days later I get the text, "You need to get down here." I borrowed the money off anyone who would loan to me. I got a Greyhound. I was on that Greyhound, including lay overs, for over 28 hours. Didn't sleep at all. The panic and worry of being attacked kept me awake. I arrived. My other aunt hadn't figured for Daylight Saving time, so I had to wait at the cold bus station, which didn't have an inside, for over an hour for her to show up. "We'll get you to my house so you can shower and sleep." I looked at her like she was out of her mind. "We're going straight to her. Are you insane?" So we did. And she was so bad. I can't get the picture out of my head. I relive walking in there. I relive my hopes being crushed to dust. No, more than dust. To nothingness. I stayed with her. I left to shower. I stayed. I slept in a chair. We tried everything. They did everything they could. The doctors and nurses and hospice was so kind. They eased it so much. But it's still there. Her last breath. I ran. I don't even remember leaving the hospital. I don't remember anything until I was in my cousin's car. We drove around. I didn't cry. Nothing came out. I don't know. I had to share this. I'm sorry.
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Work is terrible
Work & Career / by witchybirdie
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more I typed a long message that it keeps giving me an error trying to post, so I'm gonna try a shorter one. Basically my boss has grabbed me and is verbally abusive. I have returned to work and he's already started in. I'm about to walk out on account of it being a hostile work environment, for which I can't be fired. I'm just... Scared to do it. But I can't take much more.
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Untitled
Poetry / by witchybirdie
Last post
 Sunday
...See more When I was in church As a young good girl Dressed in my Sunday best "God loves you" "Jesus died for you" "But that's not enough to save you" "You must save yourself" "Don't forget the fire you'll burn in" "The brimstone that will line your grave" And I'd scratch my arms till they bled Because Jesus bled And that means he'll love me, right? But I don't think so Not then, not now. I'm not a young good girl now I'm an abomination An amalgamation Of gender and rage It's all I am I burn it all, and choke on the ashes And I bleed Because Jesus was bleeding So maybe he'll love me now
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I slipped. After almost 20 years.
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by witchybirdie
Last post
 Sunday
...See more The shame I feel is immeasurable. Well, it will be once the high wears off. I took double the dose of my prescription anti-anxiety medication. Not enough to cause me harm, I'm no where near the maximum therapeutic dose. But it just doesn't do enough if I take only the recommended dose. Again, I didn't take anything that is harmful or could cause my immediate or long term problems. But when I was a teenager, this is how it started. A little extra, to take the edge off the enormous emotions I couldn't deal with. And now, were in the same place. I have all these enormous emotions that I can't cope with. That I can't deal with. I just want my brain to stop for a bit and let me alone. And even if it's a completely *** up state, at least it's not too much. Too much emotion, too much anger, shame, self-hatred. Self blame. Always the self blame. I'm responsible for everything bad that's ever happened to me. I'm responsible for every bad person who hurt me. And I'd never judge someone else so harshly as I judge myself. I'm so proud of everyone else, even when they slip, but for me? I'm awful. And realizing how awful I must be that I drew all these abusers to me, that I brought it on myself, even as a child. As a toddler, somehow I was evil enough to need to be punished. So I took extra medicine to make it stop hurting. To make it easier. Because if it's easier, I can sit with it. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't drag across my skin and rip it off in chunks that will never be able to be replaced, no matter how hard I try. Because I keep trying to put myself back together and more keeps falling off. And so I slipped. I need relief, and I've found it. And then that makes me consider more extreme relief. Street drugs. They'd be easy to get, probably just as easy to hide from my wife. But is that who I am? No. Is that who I want to be? Oh god, no. Is that who I might become? I'm afraid of the answer. But when I wake up tomorrow, after doing this and having these thoughts, the shame that I'll feel will disgust me and the self hatred will be at the max and I'll be right back where I am now. And I'll be right back to wanting to take the edge off. And I'm scared, I'm alone, and I don't know what to do or how to cope. I don't know if anyone has advice, or can be empathetic. But I had to let it out. If you read this all, thank you for reading. I know it might be incoherent at times, the meds kicked in right before I started typing, and they're continuing to numb me and make me nothing. Sorry again, and thank you.
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Any suggestions for journaling apps?
Journals & Diaries / by witchybirdie
Last post
 Sunday
...See more I'm trying to find a journaling app on Android that doesn't prompt me to upgrade to premium every two seconds. My therapist suggested journaling might help, but with my carpal tunnel it's hard to journal with pen and paper. But so many of the apps want to suggest premium all the time, and it's frustrating. I'm really looking for an app that also has prompts. I struggle with figuring out what to write, so having prompts really help. Thanks in advance!
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