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witchybirdie
1 2,632 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 106 Compassion hearts444 Forum posts94 Forum upvotes226 Current upvotes226 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 3, 2025
Bio

I'm Birdie! I'm 31, queer, he/they. I'm super into games, especially cozy games, and I love making friends. 💜 My favorite color is purple, and my favorite animal is penguins! I have Bipolar II, BPD, and ADHD. I'm pretty sure there's more that I can't think of. I am horrible at introductions, so feel free to ask me anything! I do my best to be an open book. 💜

Recent forum posts
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Therapy woes
Trauma Support / by witchybirdie
Last post
 January 18th
...See more So I started therapy a few months ago. It's all online, which is great for me. It's on Saturday, which is perfect, I enjoy the time and enjoy my therapist. We're both nonbinary and queer, so that understanding of my identity and intristic part of myself is super helpful. Initially I was very funny, because I have a desire to be liked and be the funny guy for everyone. I don't want to seem like a downer irl. If I do talk about my childhood trauma, it's a stand up routine. "Haha, isn't this so funny?" And initially, they would laugh along. They'd ask me to reflect on why I found it funny, but that I was good at jokes and finding the humor in bad situations, and wasn't that admirable, that I could be so funny and bring joy. This mildly irritated me, because idk, it just felt like they were giving me reasons to be funny instead of delving into my issues. I communicated this to them, and they were receptive and said they'd make the necessary adjustments, and to keep giving feedback and they appreciated my telling them. Recently, though, especially this session I was just in, they've started poking at my humor, my self deprecating jokes, my trauma. And like, that's good! That's what I want. But I also hate it. I feel like I can't be happy with therapy. Either I'm paying someone to pretend to be my friend so I can do stand up (which I don't like, I can do that for free), or they're actually my therapist and I don't like how that makes me feel. I feel hurt, and somewhat condescended to. And the thing that upsets is I know they're not being condescending. They are doing the standard therapy, "Why does that make you feel that way?" "You've been through a lot of trauma, that's awful and you can make jokes, but why is it funny? I want to consider if you'd laugh at someone else in your position, because I worry it's out of meanness and self hate. If it's not, that's okay, but I want you to make sure that's not what's happening." It's not condescending at all, but because it's hitting so close to home, that's the best way I can describe it. But I didn't love the old approach, and I don't like this one that much. I feel like I'm just being picky because I want therapy, but I think I don't want to do the work? I just want to magically fix myself by talking to someone, I think? I'm not sure. But maybe I'm not ready? Idk I'm debating stopping therapy. I don't like this feeling. But maybe it's supposed to be uncomfortable? Idk any feedback is appreciated. Maybe I'm just being dramatic. Again, I appreciate their current approach. I just feel a lot of feelings about it.
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I got a job offer!
Positivity & Gratitude / by witchybirdie
Last post
 January 19th
...See more I I haven't officially received the letter, but they told me to expect it today or tomorrow! I'm so excited to start the new step of my journey! This company seems a lot better than my last and I'm excited to be a member of their team! I wanted to post about it since I posted previously about my concerns finding a new job. I am so surprised I was able to find one so quickly. It really shows me that I am a great employee to have. It is a pay cut, but it's much closer to home and seems like a much less toxic work environment, so I'll take it. They also do annual raises, so that's a huge improvement from my last position. Thanks for reading! 💜
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Interviews!
Positivity & Gratitude / by witchybirdie
Last post
 January 13th
...See more As I've posted about in other forums, I've had horrible luck with my job. It's a horrible, toxic, abusive environment. Well, I've gotten an interview through an application and I've had two recruiters reach out to me to schedule interviews after seeing my resume on Indeed! If they, my current employer, doesn't do something soon, I should have other options and I'm super grateful for that! Anything positive going on with y'all?
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Crochet!
Arts & Crafts / by witchybirdie
Last post
 January 15th
...See more Hi all! I really want to get into crochet, but I'm so nervous about being bad at it and I don't have the patience to sit and do it. Does anyone have any tips or getting over the nerves? I don't think anyone can help with the patience part haha
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Haunting of Hill House
TV & Movies / by witchybirdie
Last post
 January 6th
...See more I've recently been obsessed with Haunting of Hill House. I thought it would be cathartic for grieving my mother's passing, and I was entirely right. But now I can't stop watching it. The realness of their grief and their humanity, in spite of the supernatural elements, is gripping me in a way I didn't fully expect. I thought it would be helpful, but I had no idea it would be this helpful. Does anyone else have a show/movie that is just catharsis in visual form?
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My mom passed
Grief & Loss / by witchybirdie
Last post
 January 21st
...See more It wasn't recent. It was in March. March 11th 2024 at 3.05 pm. I think part of me died, too. It was so traumatic. She lived in Texas, and I lived in Illinois. I thought she was getting better. She told me so, the family told me so. Then one day, my aunt texts me that my mom is in the hospital. I panicked. I realized. I asked if I should come down. I didn't know how I would. We were paycheck to paycheck. Less than that even. Aunt said no. Several days later I get the text, "You need to get down here." I borrowed the money off anyone who would loan to me. I got a Greyhound. I was on that Greyhound, including lay overs, for over 28 hours. Didn't sleep at all. The panic and worry of being attacked kept me awake. I arrived. My other aunt hadn't figured for Daylight Saving time, so I had to wait at the cold bus station, which didn't have an inside, for over an hour for her to show up. "We'll get you to my house so you can shower and sleep." I looked at her like she was out of her mind. "We're going straight to her. Are you insane?" So we did. And she was so bad. I can't get the picture out of my head. I relive walking in there. I relive my hopes being crushed to dust. No, more than dust. To nothingness. I stayed with her. I left to shower. I stayed. I slept in a chair. We tried everything. They did everything they could. The doctors and nurses and hospice was so kind. They eased it so much. But it's still there. Her last breath. I ran. I don't even remember leaving the hospital. I don't remember anything until I was in my cousin's car. We drove around. I didn't cry. Nothing came out. I don't know. I had to share this. I'm sorry.
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Work is terrible
Work & Career / by witchybirdie
Last post
 January 7th
...See more I typed a long message that it keeps giving me an error trying to post, so I'm gonna try a shorter one. Basically my boss has grabbed me and is verbally abusive. I have returned to work and he's already started in. I'm about to walk out on account of it being a hostile work environment, for which I can't be fired. I'm just... Scared to do it. But I can't take much more.
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Untitled
Poetry / by witchybirdie
Last post
 January 5th
...See more When I was in church As a young good girl Dressed in my Sunday best "God loves you" "Jesus died for you" "But that's not enough to save you" "You must save yourself" "Don't forget the fire you'll burn in" "The brimstone that will line your grave" And I'd scratch my arms till they bled Because Jesus bled And that means he'll love me, right? But I don't think so Not then, not now. I'm not a young good girl now I'm an abomination An amalgamation Of gender and rage It's all I am I burn it all, and choke on the ashes And I bleed Because Jesus was bleeding So maybe he'll love me now
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