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Hi I see a lot of people have common problems here. I can't address specific or serious problems such as clinical depression or substance addiction. I'm not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, I've just learned from the circumstances I've been through. These are general problems that everybody faces, and I've pretty much been able to pinpoint the source of the problem and how to solve them. If you have specific questions, ask me I might be able to answer.
Table of contents:
1. On how to feel valued and appreciated.
2. On confusion and feeling stagnant in your life.
3. On losing your significant other and wanting him/her back.
4. On protecting yourself from future emotional pain other than death of a loved one.
5. On how to keep your significant other (more aimed towards men)
6. On starting over
7. On how to move on from a breakup.
1. On how to feel valued and appreciated:
This was a post I made to another thread but I see a lot of people having this issue so I'll just copy and paste it.
Although my experience have not been to your degree. The best way and I feel the only way for you to overcome this is first spend some time to reinvent your life. This is not to say change you, more like be a better you. Each of us should adopt the idea of becoming the better version of ourselves daily. You feel alone, you don't feel valued, you feel worthless. If this is correct, how do you feel like you belong? Or valued or cherished? It's simple. To become valued by others, you must give value. Although it looks like you don't have any value to give - sorry if it sounds harsh. There a was a point in time when I had many more friends and a girlfriend. When I lost control, ownership, and responsibility of my life, everything crumbled from the business I was building, my girlfriend, etc. It's a sad reality that people will leave you if you do not bring value to your life. Although it can be a good thing because once you work on yourself and become better and have something to give to people that they will appreciate they will reciprocate and give back compassion and appreciation and it will feel really good. Your parents are correct that you should stop feeling for yourself. Although I feel like they just tell you but don't know how to show you. When I lost everything I valued in my life, I was feeling like I was slipping into depression, but life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance, you gotta keep moving. I hated that feeling of worthlessness, not loved, and didn't amount to anything so I vowed never to ever feel this shitty ever again and I did everything I could to build my life back again. Start by spending some time with yourself in your thoughts, what don't you like about yourself? Don't buy into the Disney stories that you are perfect and beautiful in every way. I'm sorry, life is just not that way. Each of us have flaws we can work on, although we can't be perfect, we can still continue to become better. Life is movement, you gotta keep moving forward with your life. When I was at a dark point of my life, I couldn't sleep thinking I'd be in the same place tomorrow as I was yesterday. After you have though about the things you don't like about yourself then think about how you can improve those. Do you not like the way you look? Spend some time exercising. Do you not like being shy? Would you rather see yourself as thr bubbly charming and lovable person? Spend time communicating with people. There's always a solution for every problem. If you want something bad enough, you will find a way, if not you will find an excuse. I used to be shy, I used to be out of shape, I used to be very naive and dumb. I spent my time talking to random people... When im in the coffee shop I try to strike a casual conversation with the person next to me. I'd talk to the cashier when I buy something. I went to community gatherings and introduced myself to people. I hated it so much, but after a while I loved learning about people. It was just the initiation of conversation I hated. You won't like every person you talk to and it's okay, move on. There's 7 billion people. If i don't like talking to them I'll move on as quick as possible eventually I'll find a person I'll immediately click. Read books. Books are important for self improvement. Read self development book. Read how to win friends and influence people if you want to learn how to get people to like you. These are not books for losers, these are powerful books on how to sell because everything in life is about selling. Exchanging value. Learn about leadership. Learn about different personality types. Learn about yourself. Look up your zodiac sign, whether they are true or not, they are a good starting point. Become the ideal you. If you have questions you can ask me. Ask me practical questions, I will give you practical answers. I'm not a motivator, I'm a coach.
Good luck, and remember:
When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.
2. On confusion and feeling your life is stagnant:
We will refer to 50 Shades of Grey when Christian Grey was asked by Anastasia, "to what do you owe your success?" His reply was, "I exercise control in all things."
This doesn't necessarily mean BDSM even though the movie implied it. You feel unbalance in your life, stagnant, and not feel like you're progressing because you have no control in your life. Number 1 thing everybody find important is to feel desired. If you feel like you're not working towards your potential or moving up in the social life and professional life and not feel appreciated, you will feel unaccomplished. What you need to do is find control in your life again. Take ownership of your situation. Start by being proactive. Doing something is better than doing nothing.
3. On losing your significant other and wanting him/her back:
If your significant other broke up with YOU (not the other way around) and you want him/her back, stop talking to him/her. Do not talk to her (I'm going to generalize as "her"). It's pointless and useless. No amount of talking will change things, as a matter of fact it will be worse. I know you want to make her feel pity for you or you want to persuade her that you changed. 1. Nobody will feel pity for you. 2. People judge people by actions not talking. There is a psychology to this if you want to learn more do your own research this is just general advice. Work on yourself. Let her be and give her time to heal. Give her time to miss you. Become a better person and you can casually initiate an impression on her. Note: it's imperative before you even try talking to her again these three must be at least met: 1. At least 3-4 weeks of no contact (more depending on situation). 2. You have your life together. 3. You have become a better person through ACTION (ex: getting a promotion, making more money, getting fit). These 3 are important because, 1. Nothing heals better than time and distance makes the heart fonder so wait it out. 2. If you can't take care of yourself, if you don't know how to love yourself. How do you expect to love another person? 3. She broke up with you because your dating market value is low. This seems harsh but seriously nobody wants to date a loser. It's evolution, women/men pick dominant mates to increase chance of survival.
4. On protecting yourself from future emotional pain other than death of loved one:
Loss of career, loss of a broken relationship sucks. This doesn't negate the pain but you'll handle yourself a whole lot better. So here's the tip: protect yourself by being flexible. Protect yourself by having built something valuable.
This first tip is a common sales strategy. Most salespeople are afraid of contacting people/leads/prospect because of scarcity. How do you overcome that? Building a bigger pipeline or in other words, build have more options. How are women likely to feel more of a heartache from a breakup than men typically? Most women are thought to have bad self esteem because of media of pretty women everywhere and that they have to be perfect meaning the thinking that less men will like them. Men on the other hand have plenty of options regarding to amount of women they can choose, plus since beginning of mankind there are fewer men than women so that makes men more value (supply and demand). I know it's sucks and it's screwed up but that's kinda just how life is. The sooner you accept this the better your life will be. So what does this translate to? Become more valuable by offering something valuable. The same way the salesperson gotta just have a bigger pipeline to overcome fear of rejection do the same if you are looking for a job. I secured the job I wanted simply by applying for the same type of job or similar in 20+ other companies. At least 1 of them should hire me right? How do you fix the problem of losing money? Make more money. It's so stupid it's simple. Note again: this doesn't work unless you work. Make yourself valuable by working/investing on yourself.
Second tip. Let me give you a background on this. I went through tough times because I lost my girlfriend. I realized I wasn't sad because I lost my girlfriend because logically there are many other girls plus there are many other girls better than her. But I felt great pain why? Because the feeling of loss. Not just losing her but losing in life. My business failed, everything collapsed. All those factors of loss together created a big loss in my life. I fixed this by focusing on building a stellar career again. Something that I value. Whether it's your job for you or a project or a business. You gotta have something you value that you built yourself other than a person because you can't control a person you can only control what you build. If the person leaves you, you can't control that. If whatever you built failed whether your career or business, 9/10 it's because of you and the good thing about that is that you have control over your actions and learn from your mistakes.
5. On how to keep your significant other:
Besides the general stuff like communication and all that the other very important and underrated thing is money. 66%+ divorces are because of financial issues. So lesson of the day: Take care of your money before you take care of your girlfriend. Because if you lose your girlfriend you'll still have money anyways. If you lose your money, you'll lose both: money and girlfriend.
As Kanye said: "I ain't sayin she's a gold digga, but she ain't messing with no broke n***a"
6. On starting over:
If you lost everything and feel like you're at the bottom of the barrel, that's a good thing! That means you can't go any further below right? You can only go up!
Everybody has to start again at one point. Good thing is that you now have invaluable skills, lessons, experiences that you learned along the way. Take some time to make sure your mental health is fine. You can do this by spending time doing a hobby you love or spending time with your friends and familu. After you've had some time for yourself. Plan your life again. It's not going to take very long to get yourself back up because remember you have those invaluable lessons and experiences. Use those to your advantage. A pessimist sees a disadvantage in every good situation, an optimist sees an advantage in every bad situation. Profit from your mistakes. I know it may be too general but this is a general advice that are fundamental.
If you want to know more read the article The Ultimate Reinvention Cheat Sheet by James Altucher
7. On how to move on from a breakup:
The best way to get over someone is to live well. Focus on yourself work on yourself. Improve. Make new friends. Do something other people will value and be appreciated. Make money. Sorry this is a short one because I feel this theme is pretty similar to the previous themes/problems I've addressed.
Hope this helps y'all
