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I dont know where to start. Just made account here couple of hours ago.I guess i just need somebody to listen to me since it seems i have nobody to talk to about what i am going through. I feel completely hearbroken and sad. He told me its not a big deal and its end of the world,this break up, tht this is for the better, that people divorce after 20 or 30 yeara and i am still amazed by his actions and coldness. I guess maybe i didnt know him that well after all. I ve been in a commited, long term relationship for the last 12 years. There were some ups and downs as in every relationship and lately we ve had some problems, actually a year ago, but i thought we were doing better. I thought things are going back to old us, and it felt like that till his audden break up, and more because of that i think all of this caught me off guard completely. I feel like somebody just pushed me off the cliff. We were not officialy married and we dont have kids but whole our life, appartment, work, friends is some thing we built togenther over the years. I am having hard time coping with the break up. I feel as a failed person on so many levels. I feel empty. When i look back it seems i didnt do anything right, i thought i was but what he did and told me it seems i was living in some bubble so now i am wonderimg did i knew him or us and where did these 12 yeara go if i had no idea about anything he said. The break up was sudden now even more then it would be an year ago. We fell in the routine last year and we felt stuck, but then we were working on ityor at least i thought, and i could or thought u could see the progres, i felt good. I was back to being happy with us and him... and though we had problems, some were bigger some typical couple stuff i find it difficult to understand his reasons right now .I ve spent days in not beeing able to move,sleep or eat. I feel physical and emotional pain, and i dont know how to cope with that. more so because od hia coldness,words that didnt match the reality i thought we had right now.That Day he took me to lunch we talked about work plans and in the evening he sat me down and told me that he doesnt love me anymore at all and he doesnt see me anymore as a lover but only as a friend and he cant go on he told me bunch of other stuff too. I just listened. And i guess in all this situation what is so puzuling and not being able for me to understand is why now? That what he said would have had more sense year ago and now it just doesnt make sense. I feel disappointed, sad, empty, i feel like i dont have anything to hope for anymore,6 months ago we wwrw taking about some work plans and getting married officially. He told me about some fresh starts nowbut i dont see anything anymore, i dont thibk i d be ready for a fresh start for a long time, because if i was that blind not to see that this last year was not better as i thoughts maybe i dont deserve better.maybe i am better of alone. Everything i thought u knew and had i didnt. Basically after hearing him i wonder if i had any idea with Who i am loving. I am 36 and i guess nothing that i thought, hoped and dreamed will come true. We have business togenther and he told me some details how he see it and i am just amazed by how much detail he went i to it. I thibk he stopped loving me last year but then why this prolongation, maybe he just tpok this time to resolve in his had how to go on with work and other stuff. .i guess i ll never get my answers to many why's i have. I dont even want to talk about it with him. I think i am just trying right now to pick myself up but i Find it to be extremely difficult. I wish i d have some button as he did and just turn off everything but its just impossible for me.i dont even have to talk about that with anybody as most Of my friends that are not both his and mine friends, are in other states and i am not that close to my own family to share these details. I spend most of the day just wondering about my life, choices and am i that blind not to see things properly.
Thanks to anybody who reads this.
