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versatilecat1977
1,650 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts131 Forum posts46 Forum upvotes71 Current upvotes71 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceMay 15, 2024
Bio

“I live at the speed of my mind and love at the speed of my heart.” — Corey Taylor


Recent forum posts
I’m falling apart in front of my eyes!
General Support / by versatilecat1977
Last post
 June 21st
...See more Oh friends, Right now everything is just too much. I just got diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, I was misdiagnosed bipolar for 20 years. I also have ptsd and anxiety and insomnia. Occasionally some depression but nothing terrible. It’s the transition from bipolar meds and to
Hello everybody !
Newbie Hub / by versatilecat1977
Last post
 June 21st
...See more Hi there y’all! I’m AJ, a 47yo woman with two adult kids, one adult bonus daughter and one 10yo bonus son. My boyfriend and I live together and keep on our toes with his 10yo son! I’m here to bridge the gap between meds, therapy and life. I’ve been really struggling lately. I was just diagnosed at the beginning of the month with OCD and ADHD and told I didn’t have bipolar disorder for 20 years I was misdiagnosed. Cyclothymia at worst for my moods. I’m beginning to get off the bipolar meds and awaiting the pharmacy filling my ADHD meds and I recently started an antidepressant for the OCD. My life is also wracked with anxiety and PTSD and I am an addict currently using meth to try to get through until the meds get filled. My boyfriend doesn’t know I’m using. Not many do. Nobody in my family knows, and only a couple friends. I am looking forward to getting to know everyone and getting a grip on how the app works. It is kinda a lot to handle and I’m not handling it well at all and I recognize this. But it’s where I am right now and a lot of my own choices have brought me here so I will reach out for help and advice. Thanks for coming along for the ride. Hold on tight!
Idk if I should post here or OCD or ADHD but I shop too much!
Addiction Support / by versatilecat1977
Last post
 June 22nd
...See more I’m serious I just got diagnosed with ADHD and ocd and I was misdiagnosed bipolar for 20 years!!! My daughter’s lifetime. It’s insane that half a dozen people have agreed with a diagnosis that they never bothered to verify even after a TBI made the adhd and ocd much worse. Guus shopping thing is a whole new level for me. I’ve been addicted to pain meds and have been struggling with meth for about 4 years now and I’m struggling currently, not quite sober not really using often. I’m self medicating my ADHD medication gets filled and my brain has gone on strike with the common sense that I need to be able to buy the meds so shy am I buying another tshirt… sticker pack for my business… thing for the house… clothes for my guts…. Whatever it is I’ll buy it. I’ll be dead sober for months and spend $$50 on diamond paintings (Temu is evil…. All hail Temu!) and other *** stuff, cool stuff but stuff I don’t need to buy. I panic shop. I compulsively shop. I impulsively shop. I can’t stop. I can’t delete Temu because I still have orders being shipped. I can’t just turn it over to a friend or my boyfriend to track for me until the everything I ordered is here and checks out because it’s tied to my commonly used email, if I remove the payment I know I’ll just add it again or if I change the card or whatever. I’m broke and I’m not even lying I don’t know how I can do this to myself month after month. It’s like anything I have great days and terrible days. Sleep deprivation affects everything and it makes me shop more. I shop in a halfway out of my mind haze and sometimes don’t remember doing it until I see the orders. I try to cancel what I can but sometimes it’s something that I manage to justify to myself that in that moment makes perfect sense of course I need that. Saturday I had had about 6 hours of sleep in 2 days. I had spent the night at a friend’s house and didn’t sleep Friday night until 2am and was woken up at 5am. I had a 75 mile drive home in heavy traffic. It took me an extra hour to get home. I bought myself some really cute comfy looking flip flops and that makes sense I don’t have any sandals or flip flops or anything but Vans and Docs. Ok. They were under $20, good deal. My favorite colors black and purple, fantastic. No problem. Cleared it with my boyfriend. Then I saw some nice leather loafers and they were men’s but happily had my size so I bought them. Holy cats! What in every gods name was that about? I love my slip on shoes but men’s leather driving shoes? Well they shipped already before I could cancel them so we’ll see how they do. I can’t explain why or justify that $30 and I haven’t exactly told the boyfriend yet about them. I’m just desperate to get off this roller coaster of emotions and chemicals that are driving me into the poorhouse. I even resell most of what I buy and I can’t stop. Even with sales slipping I can’t stop. I am at my wits end. I started weaning off the bipolar meds but that includes my benzodiazepine and I am scared. My anxiety is through the roof and this is threatening my ability to deal with regular life because now when I get everything delivered I go through the stages of shoppers remorse like you’ve never seen. I feel guilty, I try and deny that I received the items and hide them from myself and my boyfriend but they’re all in my desk. Or they’re more enamel pins to hide with my collection of probably 1000 pins already. Ugh. I feel sick, I bargain with the gods and goddesses that I was dreaming and then I pray that my boyfriend doesn’t see how 6 orders get shipped in 1 huge package and yeah. It’s miserable. Thanks for reading this whole thing if you made it this far. I really appreciate you. I am triggered right now to go check it and play the stupid win stuff games. ugh
I’m struggling today …
OCD & Related Behaviors / by versatilecat1977
Last post
 August 13th
...See more i have a big problem with compulsive online shopping. For me, Temu is evil and triggering and predatory for people who struggle with this. I’ve definitely become addicted to it after thinking about past obsessed buying sprees that everyone else has always labeled as a manic spending spree and now my psych nurse says no, that sounds like OCD. So I’m on Luvox and I’m hopeful that it works because I’m struggling today with this whole situation, there’s other reasons why she thinks OCD. I’m really struggling with motivation and anxiety and I know in my heart I’m fine and I’m just stuck in my head but I’m stuck today and now I find out my bonus daughter is coming by with her new boyfriend and it doesn’t look like we’re getting a break from the 10yo bonus son this afternoon either so all my plans are gone in an instant and I’m lost. I don’t really know what to do with myself right now and it’s just not a good day in my head. I tried to talk with my boyfriend about this and he just didn’t really say anything other than he was sorry. I don’t know what I need right now but I know I need something. I’m just trying not to get myself all worked up about everything but it’s my brain waiting for a full psych evaluation next week and probably an actual diagnosis for ADHD too. I’m overwhelmed. I’m so stressed about this. I’m trying to research everything and I struggle so much. i just needed to vent I guess. I hope that I make some sense to someone. Maybe you have been where I am. Newly diagnosed but yet still not sure what is what and how to explain everything to the people in my life. It’s hard today. 🥺
You had me at trigger warning…
Addiction Support / by versatilecat1977
Last post
 July 29th
...See more I’m really sorry if this triggers anyone but I’m sitting here alone with my boyfriend and his son upstairs before 6:30am and I just got high. I had made it all week without it (meth) and then my friend called and asked me to come by and we got high together yesterday and he gave me some to keep me going. Every time I get it in my head I’m going to just walk away from it I don’t. I get through the worst of the withdrawal (though tbh I haven’t been smoking it daily for months now) I end up in a situation where I don’t say no. I realize that I’m putting everything I love at risk. Everything I’ve worked for for 10 long months and I know that I can lose everything, and I literally mean everything but I can’t seem to walk away from it all completely. Rehab or even a sober living community aren’t options because I can’t afford either nor can i just walk away from my beloved little family. I’ve already lost the honor and respect and love from my own adult children and it’s a daily struggle not to smoke daily but here I be, using again and ashamed. Very ashamed. It’s not even like I really get high, I never have. My effed off brain wants to use meth to focus and get the brain behaving better than without. I can’t wait for my psych evaluation next week for ADHD. it’s almost my birthday and I’m gonna quit for real. I’m gonna walk away from the people who are “helping” me continue to use and keep myself with the people who are sober. It’s not gonna be fun but I’ve done it before I can do it again. I have to. Or I’ll lose everything. My home, my love, my bonus kids, my actual kids, everything. I won’t even have a car to live in if anyone else finds me using. I’m scared but resolute. I’m not even sure why I’m doing this now except I wanted to wake up. I’m not sure exactly if I’m looking for advice or just needed to get this off my chest but thank you in advance for any support or advice. 🥺
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