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twerp
2 24,088 M Aiming High 4
cruisin around
PathStep 29 Compassion hearts1,990 Forum posts53 Forum upvotes65 Current upvotes65 Age GroupTeen Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 6, 2024
Bio

I love the smiths

#protectyourpeace

\talk to me about music, I'm a fan of almost everything!/







































Recent forum posts
What is life?
Poetry / by twerp
Last post
 August 4th
...See more (Pt 2 to "What is love?") Some say life always has good things in store others say life will never hand such good things out I know better than to try and tie life down into a single sentence maybe if you live with the idea of whatever you think life is, then that's what it'll be or maybe you'll be struck with the reality of somebody else's but through my experience of 14 years and some change I think life is just to be alive and whether you decide you want it to be filled with romance, tragedy, stillness, or nothing at all  It's at the hands of others as well and maybe that's all it is life is you and everyone else in the world.
What is love?
Poetry / by twerp
Last post
 July 28th
...See more I used to think love was one big act a grand finale like in fairy tales with happily ever afters granted when evil is overcome slaying dragons and clearing a curse with true loves kiss and I tried to find that in real life I offered out my love in ways bigger than I knew they were maybe to please others, maybe because I wasn't sure what it really was I could say that I met someone who changed that who could be my own fairy tale in some way but I would still be playing around in these make believe stories I watched my relationships crumble away I've seen my lovers fly away like a bird let out of its cage and came to know that my love itself wasn't a good enough base there is only so much you can do with a problem like this so I began to learn what love truly is it isn't the happy end to a story it's the whole story itself. you find love in the little things
Things that help
Eating Disorder Support / by twerp
Last post
 July 31st
...See more Sometimes it's hard to just do the things you should.  I'll sit down with my dinner and without even realizing it I'll be glancing at my arms and looking at how my stomach is when I sit, It's like a instinct.  But I have things that help me.  On this forum I'll be posting things like that and other coping mechanisms.  Feel free to join in and share what helps you, your struggles, and what you want to overcome. (Please do! <3)
Every color in the lightest form
Journals & Diaries / by twerp
Last post
 July 21st
...See more Dairy entires c:  (Love life, random stuff, feelings, logs, workouts, music, everything) 6/28/24 I never really know what to say and I think that's a bad trait of mine. I've tried so many things to overcome it, heck I even became a writer.   But when I'm faced in a situation where even a simple answer is needed, I feel the obligation to say something grand and poetic.  I mean it's not something that bothers me too much, but I think I'd be proud if I overcame it. You know?  I don't want to talk about anyone or anything, I just want to be able to speak the words I mean to. (3 mile run today) 6/30/24 I wanna know a perfect day.   I've never had a day where not a single thing bothers me but it's something I think about a lot.  I can't imagine how it'd go but I know no matter what I do bad things are going to happen around me and to me and I might even do something wrong too, but if I learn to deal with those bad things, is it possible to have the best day ever? I think If I absolutely had to say what it'd be like it'd just be a simple day.  Nothing too exciting, nothing too upsetting, nothing that's too much of anything.  Just a day where I can finally understand whatever peace is supposed to be. I am happier though; I must say that.   I think I can do this if I try, and I think I need to.   I got this (yippie, 1 mile race pace)
a little hope, a poem
Poetry / by twerp
Last post
 July 19th
...See more It can still be a nice day with a few clouds and every now and then the clouds reveal the sun the whole area will illuminate  the flowers will perch up the trees will create shade and you'll feel the warmth on your skin. The clouds will move over the sun of course but because there is hope instead of believing the sun will never come again every living thing trusts that it'll be back. Sure, you may feel a little chill from the wind and everything is a little darker, scarier one single thing might lead you into being alone like a hole in the ground or many things will tire you like a worn out boat at sea but these things too have the hope and the worth to see that sun lit view again. Whatever, whoever, that might be trust in the fact that it'll be there.
A+A
Poetry / by twerp
Last post
 July 5th
...See more Maybe tomorrow we'll know something different other than how my eyes are a little lighter than yours other than how we love to pretend hate each other maybe even other than the cute little jokes between us. but I always want to know for sure the feeling of your hands on mine the park table with our names together and the love built between us over time if theres one thing I'd always know tomorrow and today is that you're the one I love <3
To the last days (tw)
Journals & Diaries / by twerp
Last post
 July 1st
...See more Today I went to the tunnel I haven't done that much since you went away but I liked the way nothing really had changed and I could've sworn I saw the leftovers of your jeans still on that fence but when I went to check it was just plastic 10 days left
To the last days (tw)
Journals & Diaries / by twerp
Last post
 July 29th
...See more 6/16/24 To the last days (11 days left) Have you ever wanted to disappear?  I did once, and to tell the truth its nothing special.  At first it may hit you as the worst feeling ever but more sooner than later you realize it's nothing more than what it is, a feeling.   It all started at 6:04 p.m, I was on my way home from doing god knows what a kid like me should be doing.  Everyday I take a longer walk home that I could just to delay sitting around doing nothing in a daze and in that path is a tunnel.  Under that tunnel a group of people a bit older than me hang out. Usually I would change my path to avoid this but it was fine because they didn't acknowledge me and nor did I to them. Until 6:04 on that damn wrenched evening. "Hey you".  Just as I made it to the end of the tunnel I heard a girl that sounded unfriendly.  I turned slowly around to meet her face to face and the worst thing that ever happened to me happened. She smiled at me.  After that we became friends, yada yada you know how that goes.  Sure, this would've been fine if I wasn't who I am and she wasn't who she was.  Me, a girl who was a speck of dust in a world of vacuum cleaners.  Her, the person who hoards vacuum cleaners.  Normally, she would've hated me. For about 9 months we were closer than ever, I had someone I didn't need to be somebody else around and she had somebody to keep her afloat.   She called me "twerp".  I earned that nickname through helping her in her pranks and tricks.  I choose to, and I somewhat don't regret it.  I called her "fence" because she ripped her pants trying to climb over one.  Nothing mattered, really, nothing did.  We had each other.  At least we did till those last 11 days. For 10 days I went to under that tunnel and she was nowhere to be seen.  I was doing horribly, because without her I was stuck in a world where I was living because I had to not because I wanted to.  She was a part of me.  On the 11th day I found a letter on the fence on the side of the tunnel, the one we shared so many laughs at.  She had left for good.  I wish I could say for another city, state, or country, but no she left.  As in she killed herself. I hated myself everyday, I wondered endlessly if I had been there every second of those days leading up to "it" she would've came to me and we could still have each other.  It was all my fault, everything.  "If I had been a better friend, if I had been there, I could've saved her".   I imagined her there laying lifeless and I'm not sure what I would've done if I even could save her.  I knew there was nothing I could've done. Due to that a feeling destroyed me all together.  The feeling I wanted to disappear.  Without her, I really was just a speck of dust.  This was months ago, and as I've said you come to get used to things. After all, a feeling is nothing more than a feeling.  Right? Fence told me "If you speak words that nobody can understand, then they are just gibberish. If you live a life you cannot stand, then it's meaningless."  I never knew how to respond but I know now I'd tell her that I understood her words and that every single thing she says, gibberish or not, is kept in my heart.  I repeat her words sometimes. There is nothing I can do for her because she is gone, but those 11 days are hers.  I plan to give them back.  Every second I was not there, every day she could've came to that bridge and I didn't wait, every tear she cried in those past 10 days to the last ones she cried on the 11th, I will give them all back to her.  In whatever ways possible, I will dedicate myself to my one and only best friend. 11 days left.
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