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toughwater73
1,082 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts77 Forum posts39 Forum upvotes28 Current upvotes28 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2016 Member sinceOctober 18, 2014
Recent forum posts
Is there a bug on the 'Prove you are human' thing?
Safety & Knowledge at 7 Cups / by toughwater73
Last post
 January 29th, 2015
...See more I really really wanted to talk to a listener I regularly talk to. I use the normal website but loaded on my android phone. I usually keep a tab open on 7 cups so it's less hassle to get to my conversations and things. However, tonight it just won't let me load any conversations. It keeps making me type in the prove you are human Thing. I get why it's there and I understand and agree with it after the problems about a month or two ago. But I literally went through that like 7 times in a row and it still would not let me bring up a conversation to start talking to the listener. Am I doing something wrong? Is anyone else finding this a problem? I just really wanted to talk to him tonight as I have been struggling and I find it very hard to talk to someone new. Thank you for reading !
Depression or just needing to get a grip
Depression Support / by toughwater73
Last post
 December 19th, 2014
...See more Hello I haven't been on here in a while but I feel like I have no one to talk to. Hence this post. On the 11th December it will be a year after my housemate died from taking his own life. Whilst I am struggling from my own problems and am finding it hard to cope I can't help thinking if this is how it was for him. I've lost count of the number of times I've tried to take my own life. Last week I thought I had turned a corner because I could leave the house again, I could do things. But the gloom has settled once again. I hate myself so much. I know I don't have it in me to kill myself and yet it would solve everything. I'm too scared to go out of the house. My dad has had to take time off work to effectively guard me at all times. Last week I was so bad I tried to punch through the windows so I could jump out but my mum got in the way and I punched her. Normally I wouldn't hurt a fly. The guilt was enormous. I am hurting my family so much and I know I am not alone and there are many more out there worse than me. I have major depression , major anxiety and borderline traits. I strugged with sleep and to handle my emotions. I take 225 mg of venlafexine a day and 300mg of prolonged release quetiapine. I have a nurse on the community team. I know I am lucky to have all this and yet I've never felt lonelier. From time to time I hear voices and don't remember what has happened. I don't get on with my local crisis team and because of my diagnosis I can't stay in a hospital. I feel so so alone. I feel like I'm a coward for not being able to take my life, to run away. I am so trapped. Quite often I lack energy to do anything but stay in bed. I'm not complaining. I guess I'm just asking for help. I don't know what to do. I want to die it would just make things simpler but I feel bad for feeling this when my housemate died this way, with less resources available to him. I have an overwhelming urge to just drink. To just forget. My friends are all away at uni hours away and my family are already doing all they can. Thanks for sticking with me and reading r this, pointless as it may be.
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