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toughSailboat3720
2,292 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 119 Compassion hearts143 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2015 Member sinceAugust 9, 2015
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I'm sick of being a spoiled brat. I'm sick of being useless.
General Support / by toughSailboat3720
Last post
August 24th, 2015
...See more Hi 7 cups of tea. Sailboat here. And yes, I'm sick of being a spoiled brat. My mom called me this just now when we were talking about going abroad for further studies. She also told me stories on how grandpa, my four aunts, and are basically all mollycoddled and cloistered overgrown children and are basically incapable of doing anything by themselves. She said I was like them too in a sense. She also told me I severely lack confidence and if I continue to be so, I will never amount to anything. I will never get anything done. I don't blame her. After all, she is probably right. She just wants to help. If you get to know me even for a few days you'd probably reach the same conclusion as her too. I don't feel any emotion right now. I joined this site few weeks ago to help with my current bout of blues. I hated feeling so low down and useless, day after day, making it completely impossible to do simple things like filing up online forms and talking to people over the phone. Each day I feel more and more like a puppet, doing things only when instructed to do so while being completely wooden and emotionless. It's as if any passion left has burnt out or stamped out. Even Chemistry and Physics, my two most favourite subjects, just seem pointless. I mean, what's the point? Someone will be a better chemical engineer than I ever will be. I'm just a waste of space and am inhibiting them to be better. I tried all sorts of things to keep my mood up. I tried going out for walks. I tried catching up with some friends. I read motivational books to try and find happiness in life. I searched online for help and that's how I ended here. Nothing feels like it's working. Every night I'd just stare blankly into the computer screen, then crawling into bed hoping to never wake up again. When I do I tell myself to keep looking for things to smile at, things to be positive about, and try to change my mindset on how things are going, but the whole day passes and I still feel empty. I'm sick to tears at this point. I just want all this to end. I am tired of everything. I'm sorry for this ramble.
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