tmc1014 Member Profile

...See more Long post incoming... Forgive my vent. I just need to put it all out there somewhere, and figured a supportive community like this one is probably the best possible place for it. So... My ex has been in my life for 22+ years. We were dating/married for the last 17 years, but he has been my best friend for what seems like forever. I told him everything. The last two years has been super rough for me. We lost my Aunt to cancer, then my Uncle was in a near fatal accident (he lost his memories of her death even) two weeks later. My mom was diagnosed with a heart aneurism and my sister found a weird bump on her neck. All culminating with my brother in law being diagnosed with a very rare brain condition where the majority of individuals his age had already died from strokes. December 2018, I came to stay with my nephews so my sister and brother in law could fly to the top surgeon in the nation for his condition. This meant being away from my husband for two weeks. I had talked some about how much all of this was getting to me. How scared I was for my brother in law (I've known him for close to 30 years) and my mom. I thought he understood. It turns out that during the time I was focussed on helping my loved ones, he was deciding he didn't want me in his life anymore. When I returned from the stay with my nephews (following the most successful outcome possible for my brother in law's surgery, thankfully), I was exhausted, but relieved and happy to be home. But, he was distant. When I finally got up the courage after being home for a few weeks to ask him if we were ok, he told me he wanted a divorce. That he "had just stopped caring" and wouldn't even consider going to counseling or working on it. Yes, I knew that he had been a little off for a few months, but he had been having some work issues that I thought were bugging him as it's the only thing he talked to me about. I tried for a couple of weeks to get him to work on it, but he refused and was being so cold. I ended up moving back to my home state and in with my sister and brother in law in mid February last year. Our divorce was final on December 30th. I feel so hurt and betrayed. And the anger. Oh, am I angry. He lives halfway across the country from where my family is. I dropped everything I knew to move out there for our relationship 17 years ago. He didn't want kids but was the type to make comments about what ours would be like. So, even though he said he didn't, I held out hope and stayed with him, eventually giving the idea up, myself, as I was happy with him. Now, I just feel like he stole everything from me. Twice. All of my "people" and career networking each way. Being a mom. My ability to trust. All gone. So here I am today. How do I possibly move forward? I wouldn't take him back, even if he asked. I feel so betrayed. But at the same time, I took my vows seriously. I still feel like he is my husband, despite not even seeing him for 11 months. How can I ever trust again? I want to. I truly do. I feel like the whole point of life is the people in it and I want someone on that journey with me. I just can't even begin to conceive putting myself out there. Besides being an introvert, I just can't imagine letting someone else in after the one person I thought would support me in the darkest hours abandoned me in the midst of them. Sigh... Yeah, I know. It takes time. I'll get there. I just need to find that way to make my brain accept it. Thanks for reading... No response really necessary. As I said... I just needed a non-judgemental place to vent.

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