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thekate38
1 75 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceJune 17, 2023
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Bipolar 2 Struggles
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by thekate38
Last post
 February 13th
...See more Hey everyone, I'm new to this community but I just wanted to reach out and ask for advice. You don't have to stop and read all this but if you do, thank you. TW: SH, Abuse, Verbal Abuse Recently, I had to move out of my parents' house. I am 18 for reference. It started when I was about to graduate. I became very irritable and angry for no reason. I said things I didn't mean to my family. I hurt those I loved most. I have always known there was something wrong with me and that I needed a diagnosis. This led to me SH myself. I told my mother about 6 months ago about this but I never got support. I begged her for therapy, a doctor, or anything that may help me just feel ok again. Two weeks later I was perfectly fine. Elated even. I started vaping soon after that. I knew it was bad for me but it calmed my anxiety and made my thoughts stop racing constantly. It helped. Then my parents found out and that's when they decided to finally try to get me help. Or that's what they said at least. While I waited on doctors appointments, the fights ensued. Constantly we were getting into it over the stupidest things. It was so bad for me. Finally the final fight happened. Over a box of chips. I had forgot to grab them from the house so as i was walking out the door, my bipolar 1 dad threw the box of chips at me. It hurt. So i turned and started screaming at him. He then proceeded to grab me and hit me, so I ran to my car and locked all the doors. I refused to come out, I was terrified. He tried to break in my window and then tried to rip my rearview off. My mom had to pull him off my car. When she finally coaxed me out of my car, he had come back out and started screaming at me. He screamed how he f-ing hated me and how he hoped I died or tried to take my own life again. I knew at that point, I had to leave. I am now living in my aunt's apartment, and I don't know where to go from here. I am currently seeing a therapist and psychiatrist but the medications I keep getting prescribed are not working. They make me feel worse. My psychiatrist keeps saying just take them, but I can't function like this, and I feel like no one is listening to me. Does anyone have any suggestions or helpful advice? If any of y'all have had a similar experience don't hesitate to reach out.
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