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sunflowerispretty
267 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2023 Member sinceSeptember 10, 2023
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How can I know if I have bpd?
Personality Disorders Support / by sunflowerispretty
Last post
 September 11th, 2023
...See more I am 18. I have been having panic attacks since more than a year which are extremely difficult to manage. I feel trapped lonely and empty most of the time but sometimes I am happy and suddenly not. I had a lot of problems in my family growing up and I have been in constant search of happiness and peace as far as I remember. It was especially because of my parents relationship and domestic violence. I didn't have anyone to talk to. The only person I felt comfortable enough to talk about was my boyfriend. We are still in a relationship but its not like how it used to be. He is my first boyfriend and I never thought I could be in a relationship I never even had a crush but I just felt so comfortable with him I ended up proposing him unknowingly midst a deep conversation and I am also his first gf and his crush since we were 14 and we have been in a relationship since almost 2 years. I have extreme level of attachment with him. But sometimes when we argue I act and feel like I don't love him and just leave him but he always used to come back for me. But everyday my love just grew stronger for him. Even when I felt like I don't love him sometimes suddenly a strong sense of realization came that I love me sooo deeply even before he comes to talk to me but nowadays he doesn't do that much. He is just tired of me. I need him constantly. I am in need of constant reassurance. I also do a lot for him I sometimes even feel like I over care for him. I give him handmade gifts and make them whole time at least every month just to see his one smile. But I don't know what gets into me sometimes and I burst upon him in the smallest things and after sometime I become normal and just go lovey dovey on him but then feel sad if he is in a bad mood because I made him feel bad and also because I feel like he doesn't love me. I cannot control my emotions. I am becoming extremely antisocial. I love my family so much but still he is the only one I can share my problems with. But I pushed him away. He isn't the same as before. So I am afraid to talk about my problems. And now I have no one to talk to but my situation is worsening day by day. I cut myself and have suicidal thoughts all the time.
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