...See more
so, when i was 15, my siblings and i went on a no-parents family vacation together with their kids (my nieces and nephew). my older sisters were in their early 30s at the time and my oldest niece was probably around 7 or 8 and the rest were a couple years younger. this vacation happened in orlando by the way and we initially stayed in a hotel together and had a pretty good time. then, on the last day of the trip, my eldest sister wanted to do something with just her kids and her partner, so my older brother, my other sister, my oldest niece (her daughter) and i decided to tour orlando together. we went to wonderworks and ate at this italian restaurant, and again it was mostly fun. but, for context, my niece was a little spoiled around this time and there had been more than a few tense moments (e.g., remarks made by my niece to her cousins that were kinda mean, my sister would often favor my niece and buy her whatever she wanted around all of us which made my other sister feel like she was in a tough spot, because she couldn't do the same for her kids, etc.) and the tension not only made me feel bad because i could see the discomfort in my other sister and the sadness in my other nieces (and they all verbally expressed these feelings to me too) but the tension also did not just go away once our group was smaller. and so, the real explosive conflict actually happened when it was just me, my brother, my sister and her daughter. after we left some exhibit, my sister said that she wanted to buy a glass of wine before we went back to the hotel. my brother and i didn't know how to drive and i was confused because it was late and i thought we were going back to the hotel soon, so i said something along the lines of "but aren't you driving us?" and she did not take kindly to that statement. she started yelling at me in public, saying i was disrespectful, ungrateful, and immature, and just generally cussing me out. i yelled back some comments i wish i hadn't said but in all honesty i was just trying to hurt her back the way she hurt me because i felt embarrassed and attacked and i didn't know what to do. anyway she ended up just driving us back to the hotel sober (still yelling at me though) and when we got to the room she told me to pack up my sh!t and leave. i tried to see if my brother would speak up for me, but he didn't, so i left and went alone to the lobby. my phone was dying but luckily i had enough percentage to call my other sister for help and i stayed in that lobby for about an hour, not knowing if she'd make it in time and what would happen to me if she didn't. no one stopped to offer me help or ask me why i was crying which also made me feel even more alone, but eventually my sister did get me and i stayed with her for the rest of the night. even though this event caused my eldest sister and my parents to cut her out (but not my brother), in the end my sister did apologize later through text and i accepted it so we could all move on. the thing is though, i never really moved on. the pain and fear i felt that night still affected and affects my actions and my relationships with people. im always afraid I'll be abandoned so i, for instance, have ignored red flags in the past when people manipulated me or hurt my feelings, and in general my trust in people is just not that great and i don't like to give my opinions anymore. in addition, the reason why this event has been on my mind a lot lately is because i am going to be going in a couple weeks to universal studios in orlando with the same group (my sister, my brother, and my niece). orginally i didn't want to go because i thought the similarities would be too triggering, but when i found out my niece's friend would also be going, i agreed to go to make my niece happy. and im actually really close with my niece now because she's not spoiled anymore, and we've been able to bond a lot. but, with my sister (and a little bit with my brother) although i love them, i don't think i trust that they have my back or feel completely safe around them like i used to, especially my sister. and ive been debating if i should bring this back up again with them and just have a talk in person about what happened because, while part of me really does want closure, another part of me doesn't want to reopen wounds and cause tension in the family again. and i also don't want to hurt my niece or my siblings by bringing this up again when they're all so excited for this trip. so, if anyone does read all of this and thinks they can offer me some help, i would really appreciate some advice on how to navigate this situation and what i can do to help myself move on.
