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splasshed
144 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceJuly 18, 2015
Recent forum posts
I am confused
Depression Support / by splasshed
Last post
 July 20th, 2016
...See more So, I don't know if I am depressed or ever was but ok I'm going to start since the begginning. Some years ago I was having some problems, I was feeling unstable and sad and actually I don't really remember, but my mom found out about it, I think I've freak out someday and had to tell her. Then I started therapy. But I never liked it, so I stoped, saying to my parents that I was great (nothing had changed but I was decided to hide it better this time). Then last year I was doing really bad. I didn't slept enough and I was seeing and hearing things that I knew it wasn't there and I was sleepwalking and sometimes I used to go out and don't remember what I did or where I was and I just freak out all the time. And I was also cutting myself. But one day I hurted my whole face and arms and hands and my mom found out and it was a really awfull experience. She got really mad and screaming with me and beating the crap out of me and saying horrible things and tearing my clothes apart while my dad was crying in the kitchen. I still think about it every single day but I never knew how to feel about it, I don't even know why I used to cut myself, sometimes I didn't even remember doing it, the cuts where just there and didn't knew where they came from, I couldn't remember. So in the next day my mom was my mom again and was all caring and saying sorry and the first thing she did was find me a new therapist. Then I started telling the weird stuff that were happening, about hearing and seeing stuffs, and he got worried and recomend that I should also be seeing a psychiatrist. So I did. They told me I was having all those weird stuff because I wasn't sleeping enough and when I start having proper nights of sleep everything would stop. Then I was talking some medications for sleep and for anxiety and depression. But my therapist was freaking me out, saying that if I didnt get better soon I would end up having some serious illness and end up not even being able to live normally. So I quit. Again. And I was also graduating from school and I never really like the fact that I was having to take those medications and do therapy and I thought that I should start acting like an adult and stop the teenage drama. I told my mom I was going to handle myself. But it's been hard. Like, things are not like before, I'm hardly cutting myself anymore, I don't get lost in the city. But I've been feeling weird. Yes, sometimes I still see things but this doesnt really affect my days. But I feel weird, like I am always worrying about something and I can't stop. And I'm having weird thoughts. I've been ignoring my friends because somehow I strongly believe they are all frogs. I know they aren't, but I am afraid of them and believe they are. And sometimes I get really stressed and seems like I can't deal with things like everyone else does, and I have this urge to move some part of my body like slamming my head over the wall a thousand times or breaking cups. I also, some weeks ago I've been feeling so sad, I was crying all the time for no reason and I just wanted to be at bed and didn't even wanted to do the things I like to do. I'm confuse, I don't know what I should do to make this go away
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