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speakerdoll
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PathStep 17 Compassion hearts123 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceOctober 5, 2023
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DAE get moments of sudden, overwhelming anger
General Support / by speakerdoll
Last post
 June 10th
...See more I have these moments where I'm just so angry at myself. They're more likely when I'm stressed or frustrated with myself, but mostly come out of nowhere(they're usually triggered by some thought about something I've done wrong-lost something, inconvenienced someone, etc but not always, as in neither a necessary or sufficient cause). The moment is over within 30 seconds, usually closer to five, but I can get stuck in multiple in a row. What's weird is that, without specifically trying to, I naturally move to somewhere no one sees. I'm mostly fine after, (although I'm more likely to have another moment soon after), and I wouldn't even consider it that big of a deal if as part of it I didn't contract almost every muscle in my body. On a bad day my entire body can be sore after repeated events. Besides that, it contributes to muscle tension and really bad head and neck acches. I remember some situations from when I was younger that might have been related, but those only happened under extreme stress and were a lot more prolonged. My current issue, which I refer to as "incursions" because the term doesn't seem to have any clinical uses and I'd rather not have my descriptions confused with some other phenomenon(and because it's accurate to what they feel like, as if something from outside of me takes over). I used to have them more often, before I learned how to better manage my stress levels. When it first started getting bad, I remember it was the first time I had felt scared of myself. I avoided showering, because the level of isolation from anyone else in the house, and inability to momentarily distract myself, made the incursions far worse, leading to me spending as much time in incursions as actually cleaning up. When this was going on, I would often hit myself, something that has thankfully become rare in the last year or so. Showering is once again relaxing rather than scary, although on really bad mental health days I'll sometimes decide to postpone showering if I can tell it's not going to go well. I'm seeking professional help, but that's not super accessible at the moment, so I'm wondering any of you have had similar experiences and if you've found anything that helps. General emotional regulation strategies help a little in reduction and in not getting stuck in loops, as well as with my other mental health issues, but within the moment I don't really have enough control of my thoughts to do anything.
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