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shyPark9820
114 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceJune 2, 2024
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Triggered my boyfriend's trauma response
Relationship Stress / by shyPark9820
Last post
 June 3rd
...See more Hey guys, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Prior to that he let me know he come out of some pretty gnarly relationships and had been a domestic violence victim. Our relationship has been good and we haven't had any bad arguments because we talk things out. I accidentally triggered his trauma recently. What happened was he already been going through a very difficult time and I had been pointing out how he was less attentive and that I noticed he didn't have time to meet his own personal needs. I suspected burn out but learned a few things were weighting on his heart. He recently was approved to have time off work and brought a ticket to see his kids. He he was ecstatic and I was for him but I also had had a troublesome day related to trying to find work, getting injured at work, and little money I get from workers compensation. Additionally , I shared how it's really been affecting me because we've not seen each other in over a year but this was due to me moving from California to Texas to care for my dad. He passed away in January but if it wasn't for my boyfriend support I wouldn't have even made it out here. I shared all that with with him but it brought his mood way down. He said he felt like a failure because he felt like he failed to provide for me. I quickly realized that one by sharing my own burden at the wrong time and place I took away a moment that he needed for himself which was just to enjoy something good. I apologized bc I ended up being a kill joy. Next day, I asked if we were okay. That he needed time because he made a promise to himself that he would not let anyone take his joy away like what happened to him in his previous relationship. I apologize again but I also realized that I somehow stepped on an emotional landmine. This all happened may 17. He asked me for space to get his mind right but we really haven't talked much aside from a once a week text. Yesterday, I felt ecstatic that he told me he would call yesterday but I kind of had a feeling he might be pushing himself so I told him I'd wait. He has shared with me this has triggered his trauma and he finds himself of being afraid of history repeating it's self. I have no idea of what is running through his mind or why him feeling like he failed me triggered all this. I'm trying to figure out what self care things I need because I miss my boyfriend alot. But feel like I'm approaching a spooked animal. What can I do to help myself through this so that I can wait patiently for my boyfriend to get settled in his mind and for him to work through his fears
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