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sapphiremoon914
593 M Embraced 4
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts135 Forum posts29 Forum upvotes102 Current upvotes102 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 17, 2023
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A Seventeen Year Old with Dementia
General Support / by sapphiremoon914
Last post
 March 8th, 2023
...See more I've always held the belief that dementia is one of the most cruel diseases out there. In the early stages, one begins to feel something isn't right, like waking up and forgetting where you are, losing your memories and eventually your entire identity. It's sickening, if one dies naturally without dementia, they'll at least die with their memories, and can die at peace knowing they lived a life full of love. But for dementia patients, they are confused, lost, and scared up until that last moment. It's horrifying. Last year I was dating this girl (we'd been together for over a year prior), and on January 28, 2022 we were taking the bus to school one morning and she felt nauseous, so I walked her to the restroom and went back and forth to the nurses office until the nurse arrived and then I walked her there, hugged and kissed her cheek and told her I loved her. She disappeared then, for 22 hours. The next morning, I awoke at 5 am from a nightmare and she happened to text me before I went back to sleep. She had suffered a brain hemorrhage at age 16, was having brain surgery and wanted to tell me she loved me if she never woke up. All I recall from that day is screaming and sobbing on my floor asking why her? After 6 months of surgeries and then ongoing radiation treatments, it is unlikely she will suffer another hemorrhage at this point. But, the damage has been done. Our relationship didn't last past August for unrelated reasons, and we stopped talking around November. Just recently we got back into contact and I can't talk to her without crying. She'll still sound like herself, but she will ask the same question within 5 minutes and act surprised at the same answer she received only a few minutes ago. She can not write anymore, and she has been diagnosed with MCI and is currently being evaluated to see if the MCI is rapidly progressing into dementia. Essentially, there is no hope. There is no cure, she will have to suffer a terrifying series of final years, and likely pass away in her early to mid twenties. The sweet girl I cherished with my whole being is barely recognizable today, and her parents encouraging her to drink and smoke weed to cope has not been helping slow the progression either. My heart breaks every time she asks me something again, because only a year ago I swore up and down she was the sharpest girl I'd ever met. Now, she suffers from severe PTSD and MDD as a result of the traumatic experience and seems miserable constantly. You never think it'll happen to someone you love until it does. She was 1 in 100,000. Please, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you while you can because forever is promised to none.
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Art I've made during house arrest
Hobby Zone / by sapphiremoon914
Last post
 February 23rd, 2023
...See more One day until I'm free again so I figured to celebrate I would share some of the art (paintings/illustrations/photography) I've created during this time of isolation. Enjoy, friends!
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First date and hiding scars (TW)
Self-Harm Recovery / by sapphiremoon914
Last post
 February 24th, 2023
...See more I've liked this guy for a while and recently reached out to him and asked him on a date. I've been so excited to get to know him but the first date is coming up quickly and I started looking in my closet to choose an outfit. I have an adorable red dress with daisies on it and I'd really love to wear it but it is short sleeved and my arms are heavily scarred (healed over but very noticeable) from cutting. I've never really worn long sleeves for the purpose of hiding my scars, but it's been a cold winter where I'm from and I realized he's never seen them. I'm suddenly very anxious about what he'll think or even worse- say. I've always been a "let people think what they wanna think" person but I really want to impress this guy and not freak him out on our first date. I'm so frightened of what impression he might get of me. Of course I'd let him know later on if things work out about my experience with self harm but the first date seems too soon. Or perhaps it'd be a good way of judging whether or not he is insensitive enough to not be worth my time if he says something rude. And on the same note, I really wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable. Good god I'm so torn, someone please tell me what they would do in my place.
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I'm getting off house arrest in two days
Newbie Hub / by sapphiremoon914
Last post
 February 23rd, 2023
...See more My probation officer just stopped by and told me my drug screen came back completely clean so the judge will sign to drop my charges. I'm 17, was arrested for marijuana possession a month ago, and house arrest has been one of the hardest experiences of my life. I miss my friends so much, I'm not allowed to have a phone or even play online games. I got expelled from my school which was devastating, being an A/B student who loved my school and everyone in it. It's been a pretty *** month but I'm so ecstatic about the good news and I'm tired of feeling miserable, so I had to come share my story. Coping skills I've used to get me through this experience have been painting every day, building a new exercise routine to keep me active and healthy while stuck at home, reading books (I just finished Into The Wild which really put my life into perspective), and I've even gotten back into making kandi (bead bracelets) and jewelry to give me something to focus on when I feel overwhelmed. I also recommend that sometimes it's best to just go sit outside in your back yard or on your porch, look up at the sky, and remind yourself that whatever you're going through, the sun still shines, the clouds are still moving, and life is all around. Appreciate nature everywhere you go and remember how blessed we are to be alive and living in the moment in such a beautiful world. Sorry for such a long post it's just been a ride and wanted to share my experience here. Have an amazing day beautiful people.
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