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s0cksz
5 44,440 M Crossing Mileposts 5
she/her, im... still hella dope bro
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts3,226 Forum posts136 Forum upvotes427 Current upvotes427 Age GroupTeen Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceMay 10, 2024
Bio

ʜᴇʏ! ɪ ᴡᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ʙɪᴏ!!

!!ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ!!

 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘣𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘶𝘢𝘭, he/she and him/her prounouns


I AM GENDER FLUID!!! pronouns usually in my status <3 if u are unsure use they/them


𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘴0𝘤𝘬𝘴! 

My pfp is my old tag, but I got suspended so now I write smthn else

𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘤 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘚𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘈𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘈𝘋𝘏𝘋, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘯𝘪𝘢!




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Goofy wack corner:

"Dude the ancient Roman’s were hot bro.."
- James 2025

"You should put a quote of mine into your bio  
Skibidi ohio sigma rizz..."
--jamie buddy #1 [gay] opp (I get more girls than u just saying)


"YOUR MIND RUNS ON A 40 SECOND TIMER"
--also also jamie (still #1 [gay] opp, and I still get more girls than u)

"I relate to squidward sooo much"
--bonde buddyyy (romee)

"Im feeling 'Stressed and Depressed' my famous quote. That’s how i feel rn."
—cyanTurtle5800


“Praying to god dnamen rn”
—seven eleven the man with the melon idk whar


"gender is a scam made [by] my bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms"
-THEE retro


"I was designed to be the best AI"
--CommunityModAnne


"So maybe that's why gay gnomes became a thing"

-CommunityModIris




























Recent forum posts
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TW TW TW!!! I hate him
Anxiety Support / by s0cksz
Last post
 January 9th
...See more big trigger warning I am venting all my anger in this post . . . . why the *** did he have to say hi to me what the *** was he thinking, I specifically asked him to NOT TALK TO ME ANYMORE!!! WHAT THE ***???? now I feel like ***, he does this to mock me, he wants to make me feel like absolute ***. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** I HATE HIM I HATE HIM he makes me want to... do things to myself
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im a loser
Self-Esteem / by s0cksz
Last post
 October 29th, 2024
...See more (tw) i feel left out all the time  I'm a loser I'm a burden I'm pathetic I'm scared of socializing for *** sake I want friends but then I avoid the ones I already have I feel so left out even on cups cups my one safe place I cant think I cant breathe I cant think because I cant breathe I hate socializing I wish I was homeschooled I wish I could fit in I wish I could be invisible I don't want to be here rn I don't want to be anywhere ***  why is existing so painful and unnecessarily complicated. 
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Journal #1 (starting Oct 15th)
Journals & Diaries / by s0cksz
Last post
 November 1st, 2024
...See more (TW, stuff in here may be related to potentially heavy topics, there will also be cursing which I will censor to the best of my ability) The beginning of this journal may be all over the place, I was writing whatever came to mind so whatever you read is my raw emotions and feelings (the good, the bad, and the ugly). I will try and post a new thread every month/few weeks, depending on how much I write in it, so it doesn't get crazy long.  !!introduction!!  hi, I'm socks.  I am 17 and a senior in Highschool. I have self-diagnosed Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD, 4 yrs), anorexia, ADHD, insomnia, severe anxiety, and maybe even depression (ps I don't like saying that word for reasons I might explain in my journal). Im starting this journal to get my feelings on paper because I have nothing better to do with them, I'm also hoping that maybe it'll, one day, help someone understand what I was (and might still be) going through given that expressing my feelings isn't really something i'd say I'm good at. 
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Social anxiety Disorder---"My everyday Zombie Apocalypse" (essay---rough draft)
Anxiety Support / by s0cksz
Last post
 October 2nd, 2024
...See more My Everyday Zombie Apocalypse My bravest moment was the first time I chickened out of presenting my project for civics class. Now I know that doesn’t seem like a moment to be proud of, but to me it has meaning. Maybe I should explain and give some context first: I have something called Social Anxiety disorder, which basically means that I have a constant, immense fear of judgment from others. From my freshman year to now I've been in a constant battle with myself, and although I failed to present that day, which, of course, was the main goal, looking back on it I notice how much bravery it took for me to even try. It shows how much I wanted to be able to do the things others thought almost nothing of. I wanted so badly to help my situation mentally that I had the courage to attempt to dive into one of my greatest fears: judgement. I’d say a worthy situation I could put someone in that would equal the emotions I feel when having attention turned to me, such as while presenting to my class or participating in a Socratic Seminar, would probably be of someone that just walked into a room full of bloodthirsty zombies. A bit dramatic given that it's practically a guaranteed death type of situation, but that is how I’ve been treating school for the past 2 years. I’d like to put you in my shoes, Thrilling right? You walk in, you’d probably think about slipping back into where you came, but before you go through with it, every single head turns. Too late, there is no going back. All eyes are on you, yet nothing is happening and for whatever reason that is adding more anxiety to the sea of anxiety you are already drowning in. You can't think, you can't breathe, you can't think because you can't breathe. You can't handle the situation, everything is too much. You want to scream and run out the room, you NEED to get out of that situation. All you can think of is to run. Go, start running before you start having second thoughts. Once you start running though, there's no going back. That's all I was doing for such a long time to the point where that was the only way I knew how to handle those situations. One thing I failed to mention is that I’m currently yet to be formally diagnosed with SAD, which is due to many reasons. In my sophomore year I went to one of my school counselors because my mum had already rejected me, not that we could afford therapy anyways, so I had nowhere to go. It was a terrible experience, I would even say that I left the room in more distress and with less control over my emotions that I walked in with. Regardless, I would still say that this would be another example of my bravest moments. When it comes to overcoming fears, in a lot of instances, the hardest part of it is seeking support or asking for help in order to overcome those fears. Just thinking about going into that room made me want to scream, but I did it anyway because I knew I had to, I needed to, regardless of whether I wanted to or not. The thought of what it *might* allow me to do in the future, before I went in the room of course, outweighed all my fears. I’ve been in bands for almost 5 years now and they’ve always said that “the parts of the song people are going to remember the most are the beginning and the end”, I’ve learnt that that isn’t only true in a musical sense. To this day, all I remember from that experience is how it ended. I was sitting in a chair drowning in silence waiting to be dismissed because, even though I had so much more to talk about, I just wanted to get out of there. All I could think about is how uncomfortable I felt, how vulnerable I felt, how hopeless I felt. It was like I was being opened up and dissected. All I could think about is how much I am sweating, how much I smell because of that sweat, how I want to scream at her, rip my hair out and tell her that she isn’t helping. Tell her how much I need her to say something, anything. But all she’s doing is sitting, staring at me. Judging me. That put me off from seeking out support until my junior year. That's when I realized that it's not an end of the world situation like a zombie apocalypse, it’s just normal life, it's just a little harder for me. It only feels that way because I'm thinking of it in that way, and that there is no other light for me to see it in. I’m the one making it bad, I’m the villain in my own story. I think I’ve known this all along, but part of me didn't want to know it. I've just been turning around and blaming it on other people, because it's easier that way. While I’m still scared, I still run away sometimes, I still avoid situations, I now see it in a different light. Instead of seeing it as a zombie apocalypse, I see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to push myself to prove that I can do it.  I have a lot of moments that I could describe as my “bravest”, most of them being nothing like what others would choose to be under that label, but that shouldn't make someone think any less of me. We all have our own zombie apocalypse.
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eating disorder log ! ! :O
Eating Disorder Support / by s0cksz
Last post
 June 7th, 2024
...See more Just a log of my eating n stuff wahoiiiii  if u wanna know the last time I've eaten look here <3 love u all
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Attack log #1 (just posting this to see what happens)
Journals & Diaries / by s0cksz
Last post
 October 30th, 2024
...See more I had a panic attack leaving English.  a guy, lets call him jake, that I've been talking to for about 4 months confessed to me about 1 month ago. I thought "he likes me so I must like him back... right?", I told him right away that I wasn't ready for a relationship and he said he was fine with that. he started calling me names and shi, giving me flowers, etc. and I felt overwhelmed. when the person you like does stuff like that for you, it should make you happy right? it only made me feel anxious and scared. sure it made me happy at the beginning, but eventually it got to the point where I was having panic attacks during class. about a week ago I told him that I didn't like him and what I think was the reason why I told him I liked him. he said he could tell. I asked if we could still be friends, and he said sure.  now that I've come to terms with the fact that he likes me a shi ton and I don't like him at all, I don't know how to act around him. whenever I see him all I think is, "he wants to hold my hand", "he wants to kiss me", or "he wanted me to be his girlfriend". the main part that scares me is how he thinks of me sexually. one time he saw me in a skirt outside of school and absolutely freaked out. its constantly stuck in my head that he thinks of me that way, so during class I always feel extremely uncomfortable. I know it isn't his fault, its normal I get that. but still.  anyways, I've successfully avoided walking with him to class/talking to him in person for the past week by leaving class earlier than him. he hasn't stopped me or anything, which thank GOD. today I failed at trying to leave class earlier than him. I walked out of the class first, he was like- 6 feet behind me maybe, (context: my school has a room called the "Safe Space" where you can come in and take a breather/talk to an adult if you're having a rough day, and its literally right across from my English room) so I speed walk to the safe space and by the time I get in there my legs are weak and my hands are shaking like crazy. I could barely breath.  welp, I wrote this right after it happened to calm down. I have to go to class now :,) woo hoo my first attack log lets gooooooo.
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I feel as if I am a coward (TW[?])
Self-Harm Recovery / by s0cksz
Last post
 October 25th, 2024
...See more sometime in 10th grade I started SH, but I never cut my skin. I felt as if I was a coward, the farthest I was able to go was stabbing with pencils (no bleeding), bruising, pinching, and digging my fingernails into my neck/arms. I have Social Anxiety Disorder that developed during COVID where I developed a hatred for the way I look, so I often SH out of frustration when I see other people living their lives freely. just recently, maybe a month to two months ago, (for context: I have a small mirror in my bag that I bring everywhere) the mirror in my bag cracked and took a shard out and scratched my wrist. I just barely broke the skin and beads of blood rested on my skin. I felt relieved, and for whatever reason, the frustration and self hatred disappeared for a moment. after it healed, it left small scars (they aren't even noticeable now) and that scared me. if my mum were to ever see them she would never understand, she would kick me out of the house to go live with my father who I would never want to live with. I know that not being able to break the skin isn't a think I should feel pathetic about but I do. the farthest I can find myself going is scratching with the mirror shards, then putting hand sanitizer on it.  its not like I want to go farther than that, but I still can't help but feel pathetic, like I'm not doing enough.
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