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reliableOwl4649
2,192 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2022 Member sinceFebruary 24, 2019
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just a rant i guess
Eating Disorder Support / by reliableOwl4649
Last post
 October 11th, 2020
...See more this is not going to make any sense at all because i’m really not feeling great today and i’m just saying words at this point but i wanted to get this out somewhere im really starting to realize that i might never get better from this. ive been dealing with this for years and i don't think it's ever going to stop. the more i think about it i've realized that i don't think i’ll ever be able to recover. ive considered recovery a lot over the years but no matter how much thought i give it it always seems like a bad option?? my eating got really bad again about 4 months ago and i feel like i can't try to recover after only four months because for some reason it makes me feel like i'm weak and i need to deal with it longer before i can recover. i know it's been four years and i deserve to recover but i just can't think of any reason that i should?? i haven't been losing weight and it's only been a few months of it being really bad again so i don't know i just feel like i shouldn't recover? i don't deserve it yet. but i know that i'll never feel like i'll deserve it so i’ll probably never end up recovering and this will end up killing me so i just don't know what to do. life is short i don't want to spend every single day obsessed with how much i've eaten and worrying about whether or not ive gone over my calorie limit. i just don't know what to do :( i don't deserve to recover but i don't want to be like this anymore
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