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Hey, guys! I'm new to this kind of things, but I feel like I have no one else to resort to in this matter. I will try to explain and give you the full context.
So, I'm a 26-year-old straight male and my girlfriend is also 26 and straight. We met in high-school and have been dating since then, with a slight hiccup of a one-year break-up a couple of years ago. So, basically we've been together for 9 to 10 years, around that. We've had relationship trust issues before, with cases such as her lying about her medical conditions or me lying about still interacting with women I've felt attracted for before. We've moved past beyond that for like 4 or 5 years now and haven't had any kind of trust issues ever since. There was, however, this one time when I had a really close female best friend that she was actually okay with: but one time, my sister only invited my best friend to her birthday party - and not my girlfriend - which made her super mad (which I totally understand) and asked me to never be friends with this best friend again. It cost me a lot, but what I have with my girlfriend is really precious and I felt she was kind of humilliated in this scenario, so I complied.
Fast forward to today, I was talking to her and ocasionally dropped that I was grabbing a cup of coffee with this female friend of mine later that day. This person is a friend of mine, with whom I had collaborated in a youth politics project a couple of years ago. I hadn't talked to her for 2 years or so, but we randomly bumped with each other a couple of months and since then she asked me if I wanted to grab a cup of coffee with her to catch up. I know this may seem odd, but just to be sure I wasn't being misled or giving the wrong signals, I checked on her socials and she was basically "married" for already 5 or 6 years: she had a fiancé. But still, just to make sure, I went to this coffee meet-up with another friend, to make sure I was perceiving that as a normal, friends hook-up.
We only did this like 2 or 3 times the past 8 months, it's always a quick "check-up" and I make sure it never goes beyond this kind of activities, so as to not cross any socially-accepted (and even heteronormative) boundaries. I love my girlfriend more than anything and no thought of being with someone else has ever crossed my mind.
So, back again to today, as soons as I told my girlfriend about this (via text), her posture totally changed. Even though I already had told her about this friend of mine, and even about the coffee meet-ups, this time she behaved in a totally different way. She started making inquisitory questions and even assumed she had never heard about her, even dropping a: "Oh, I'm sure I'd remember you talking about having a cup of coffee with a woman". I felt disrespected and even untrusted. I felt she didn't trust me and that she was pointing I was hiding something from her - even though I was totally open about it!
So the argument didn't start right away, but she was giving me this short, skeptical responses, and, for about 2 days, we didn't even speak with each other. Also, it doesn't matter much, in my opinion, but I ended up not meeting with this female friend of mine, but only because some late work stuff of hers made it impossible for us to meet up.
Anyways, two days passed and I was waiting for any text or call from hers saying she had overreacted, to be honest. But no, her text was kind of shifting the blame, saying it was my fault that I didn't tranquilize her about this. Which I found very odd, because I had explained her everything there was to explain. Then, she told me her reaction was totally normal, which was to find it weird that I was meetin up with a person that, until 8 months ago, wasn't even a close friend. I said I understood that concern, but that it also felt random for me, but that this kind of meet-ups always felt friendly and normal to me. Once again, I treid to never cross any "coffee meet-up" boundaries.
Later on, my girlfriend further explained these feeling of her, sayint that I was totally in the wrong, because "coffee meet-ups with a member of the opposite gender is totally wrong" and that I had "crossed the relationship boundaries", to my surprise. I was always open with her, sincere and honest, to keep this trust in this relationship up high. But I feel like this untrustful behavior of her is not justified and actually sadly surprinsing from her, since we've always been open - minimally progressive, in other terms - to have friends from the opposite gender. She says I am totally wrong and that I hurt her feelings, even though I not only was always honest with her, but I also feel I haven't crossed any reasonable boundaries... Basically, even when looking to what has happened before, I feel like I can't have any female friends - at least, not in a "group-of-friends-meet-up context". And since I already had to give up a friendship before, I stand even more hurt by this stance of hers...
So, please, help me out here, I don't know what to do...
