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pleasebringmehome
1,630 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts74 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceDecember 6, 2021
Bio

I am a Nurse and I believe that patients matter most than myself 

My passion is to care for my patients and its my achievement to see them recovered

I’ve seen, experienced and handled hundreds of deaths and thousands contracted by COVID, it was d@mn overwhelming

I dont mind to become ashes as well than to suffer living with these memories

Fur Mom to V, 11month old male shih tzu

Borderline Personality Disorder

On medications and therapy for Major Depressive Disorder for almost a year now

Everyday battling a war with my own thoughts and emotions

Says “sorry” alot

May talk to you but doesnt mean I trust you, I am sorry

I hate myself. Inside and out

You wont understand me not because you havent been in here but its because YOU ARE NOT ME

Please if I ask help, dont let me get so attached to you

Loving means hurting

Words hurt most than knife, scalpel do

Overlysensitive, overthinker, overemotional

Crying makes me feel relieved temporarily

I am lost. Do you know which way back HOME?






Recent forum posts
Medications
Depression Support / by pleasebringmehome
Last post
 December 19th, 2021
...See more This is my first entry as thread starter, so if I’ve done something wrong, I so am sorry. 😔 Its been almost a year since I started my anti-depressants. My first psychiatrist prescribed me 2 anti-depressants in the morning and 1 in the evening with 1 anti-anxiety an hour before bedtime. I had been working for shifting schedules so it was difficult for me to take it on time or even take it regularly. After 3 months of taking my medicines, I started to feel this involuntary movements like jerks of either my hands, fingers, legs even my trunk. Somebody noticed that while sleeping, I was having those kind of jerks, it was described almost the same like shivering. I brought up this to my psychiatrist as I was worried something might be happening in my brain but he said, its like electricity from our body that signals to have those kinds of movements (muscles) and its totally normal. Normal maybe like reflexes or I describe it like you almost fall from your seat after you suddenly wake up from microsleep while sitting. My heart rate also increased. I am not sure if its because of the medicines, depression or from being anemic as well. Though I have pre-existing palpitations even before thats why I dont drink coffee, but still enjoying the good smell of it. 😊 After my hospitalization this July, I stick with my medications but I started to wean off my anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medicines (night time) because I felt too drowsy like I wanted to sleep all day and I couldnt control myself to fall asleep. I noticed also that my left hand and fingers shake alot that its difficult for me to hold a glass of water and my right hand (dominant hand) has tremors as well that if I will take a video, you can obviously see that the video is quite shaky. At third quarter of the year until now, it is still bothering me because it happens althroughout the day, one at a time. My memory became poor. I think and talk slower. As in I really noticed that my memory and thinking skills are vastly different from before. For that reasons, I lost my confidence and thought I couldnt do many things at work since my profession requires critical thinking, hand skills and decision making. I just read that memory loss is normal for depressed person in recovery period, it acts like defense mechanism for healing (forgetting bad memories, traumas). I attempted suicide twice the same month by overdosing my medications so I thought it might be one of the cause of memory changes. I am taking my anti-anxiety only when I feel like tremors are getting evident or worsen or I want to sleep for a long period of time. I shifted to female psychiatrist/psychotherapist. I feel alot better even we are just talking via zoom and I can talk about everything to her unlike my previous male psychiatrist who was more into prescribing medications as the main course of treatment. I asked her regarding my concerns with sudden involuntary movements, tremors, increased heart beat (at rest like around 80+ beats per minute and when walking at 110-140 and it can reach upto 160) and lately, this electric feeling and hearing electricity usually when I raise up either of my arms. I cant find any explanation in google regarding this electricity feeling as my psychiatrist didnt address it as important or reason to be worried about. I even consulted my Neurologist about this tremors because I am getting paranoid about having neurological disorder like Parkinsons disease but he said, its less likely to happen at my age. Though he advised me to do MRI if I want just to make me feel at ease. How about you? Have you experienced the same signs and symptoms? I am still wondering about that electricity feeling. It freaks me out when it gets stronger like I almost feel my body has electricity. In one instance when I had this strong sense of electricity althroughout my body, I thought of becoming superhero with electric super powers. 😁
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