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perpetualfear
6,072 M Moving Along 2
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts895 Forum posts85 Forum upvotes84 Current upvotes84 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2024 Member sinceMay 7, 2019
Recent forum posts
Losing hope, struggling with being single. (Trigger warning maybe?)
Relationship Stress / by perpetualfear
Last post
 August 9th, 2020
...See more I've been single for sometime. It's complex. My broken heart issue has seen to it that when things get bad I feel clearly my heart getting weaker. It's like it is beginning to compound everything. Making work more stressful, making the hollowness of online dating frustrating, making the negative desires more clear more rampant. I ultimately feel like there is no one. I know this isn't the case. It's been so long that I had someone beside me. Someone in flesh and bone who could profess love for and of me. There are nights it makes me wish to go on my walk and never return. To vanish, to be lost if not more. I feel so alone that I can't even control myself sometimes. I've even thought of going alone to bars in hopes of getting hit on unlikely and dangerous as that is. My chest hurts. My head hurts. And inside I'm crying.
How I Feel Now? Tense and Terrified.
Anxiety Support / by perpetualfear
Last post
 June 23rd, 2020
...See more Every day I am trying hard to complete the tasks set by my regional manager which are expected of me. However every day my co manager who is out appears setting me on edge every day in response. I know she has no bad intention but every time she does and our regional manager is on...I'm consumed with the idea that she is bashing me to him. I know it's my anxiety. I know it's my own fear about how I am seen. And what opinions have been expressed. I'm working hard. I'm working for them and the employees. I'm so tense I can't handle it. This puts me on the verge of tears. My chest even hurts from it. I don't know how I've lasted so long...
Curse of Broken Heart
Relationship Stress / by perpetualfear
Last post
 May 7th, 2020
...See more So...I deal with a health issue that is less than common. If I'm single or alone too long my heart has issues this has happened since I was 18. Which ironically is also when I stopped being a flirt and started trying to have a life. Sometimes it's just a slight pain like if your heart stops beating for a few seconds. A year or so ago I suffered a bad one where it felt like I was being stabbed through the chest (I was driving no less). I've been single over a year and while somedays are better tonight it just really has gripped me. Problem is it comes and goes. It's worst when I truly feel alone. However it can get worse at anytime. I've taken to calling it curse of broken hearts because that's what really triggers it. When dating I am 100% fine. When single...well I haven't ever been hospitalized because the problems last seconds but, I expect every day another one will happen. I don't like my curse but...I accept it.
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