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pandaprincess9
4,040 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 136 Compassion hearts418 Forum posts207 Forum upvotes287 Current upvotes287 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceJuly 7, 2020
Bio

most of the time i'm sorry for ever existing



"Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth."



Recent forum posts
Repressed memories
Trauma Support / by pandaprincess9
Last post
 January 29th
...See more Has anyone talked to their therapist/have any experience with repressed memories? I had an epiphany that from age 12-18 I had a specific way of locking away the things that were too dark to deal with
Solutions
Relationship Stress / by pandaprincess9
Last post
 November 19th, 2023
...See more  DO NOT RESPOND I'm so frustrated with my husband right now. I've got covid, I've been throwing up for the last several days. I ordered groceries for pick up, apparently messed up and didn't send the order all the way through. I went with him to pick them up, but because of my mistake, we left empty handed. The thing is, that was all the food I can eat. With me throwing up, I can't eat things we have at home already like sugary cereal, spicy ramen, burgers, even spaghetti is too much. So I was getting foods like crackers, yogurt, and applesauce. I explained all of this to him in this much detail. He even looked up some info himself to confirm what I was saying. Cue getting home. We'd already started bickering in the car on the way back from the market. I ultimately got to the point of tears because the only thing digestible for me in this apartment right now is an avocado. But after I told him that I had decided on that, he kept pushing other "options" (that weren't really options because I can't eat them) like spicy vegetarian chicken nuggets, chili beans, and spaghetti. I not only kept telling him that my plan was to have the avocado, but also repeating that all of those other options will make me sick. He kept saying "Well I don't have a solution for you then". There wasn't a question for you to solve? We were finished, decisions were made, plus, I know he knows (because we literally just discussed it) that the food "solutions" he kept offering weren't even I could stomach. It was almost comical at that point. I don't know why he pushed and did that, I can't wrap my head around it. The issue is we've talked about it again and again and again, and I brought it up this time because it happened again... Sometimes, when you're listening to someone, they're not always looking for advice or solutions. Sometimes they just want their feelings validated, and to know they're not alone. I got to the point of being explicit that "I do not need a solution, I have one", what I need is empathy. To be fair, he had covid too, he's just gotten through it better than I have (I can't shake this fever). I've definitely had moments of extra patience, also had instances of being short though. He's done his best to take care of me, and for that I'm grateful. I couldn't have done this completely alone. For that, I'm the AH here.  At least typing this helped me really cool down. I feel really bad.
I hate it sometimes
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by pandaprincess9
Last post
 January 24th
...See more The last week has been really hard and only seems to be getting harder by the day. My sleep is beyond erratic. Lately I feel like I can't even control my reactions to other people (usually the most easy for me to control). Even small slights make me feel enraged. And then I crash, and I hate myself and I struggle to want to take another breath.  Next up, elation? Balance? Numbness? I never know. I just know I'm exhausted.
Pets
General Support / by pandaprincess9
Last post
 September 1st, 2023
...See more I've had my cag, Liberty, since 2007. She's been my most faithful and loyal friend ever since. She has helped me through every dark time in my life. For every time when my mental health was at its worse, and I felt/feel s*******, I always keep her in mind and how much she loves me. Who else has an animal that helps them through the bad times?
Note about/to my parents and in laws
General Support / by pandaprincess9
Last post
 August 29th, 2023
...See more I'm taking comfort in karma today. Both my parents and in laws suck. Not only were/are they abusive/neglectful, but they're also racist, homophobic, and transphobic as well. To all that I say, I hope the nursing home you end up in has workers that treat you just as well as you've treated others 🥰
Wholesome story!
Student Support / by pandaprincess9
Last post
 July 22nd, 2023
...See more I teach choir (we have a summer program). I had to have a conversation with all the kids (grades 2-5) about kindness and respect today. I began with the quote "Royalty doesn't go around trying to knock their crowns off of each other's heads. Real royalty straightens the crown of every single person they encounter, because you want to surround yourself with people who have their crowns on straight." So we're doing a song called Who I Want To Be by Coty Raven Morris. During the middle of the song, there's a part where we'll speak positive affirmations written by everyone. I explained to my students (class of grade 3 and 4) what positive affirmations were, and shortly after one of the girls comes up to me all excited, because she figured out what she wanted hers to be. "My crown is on straight"🥺😭 it was the sweetest thing, and a damn good positive affirmation as well. That was one of the best parts of my week ngl
Professor Stress
Student Support / by pandaprincess9
Last post
 May 16th, 2023
...See more I love one of my professors as a person and choir director. She's got a great personality, really involved in community service, good role model... As a professor though... she's killing me. I never know when things are due (including presentations), what assignments we're going to have added on that weren't in the syllabus/course outline, what the assignments even are supposed to be, and how we're being graded. What she says in class often conflicts with what she has in the course outline, which when asked about those conflicts she often just says "Check the Canvas, follow that", but it doesn't help when you get to class and nothing is what Canvas says its supposed to be. Even today, we have homework that we were assigned randomly last class that is now in the course outline supposedly "due", but there's nowhere to turn it in or access the materials to do said homework. I feel like crying every time I think about this class at this point out of frustration, and even start feeling self hate because I did something "wrong" by not turning things in. I've literally stepped out of class to go cry in the bathroom more than once. I've sent her an email about the advanced communication regarding assignments (seeing as that's one of my university accommodations that she HAS to follow), and even after that, nothing is changing. I don't want to go over her head, because I really respect her, but I don't know what else to do. I haven't even considered full on lying about being sick when I feel completely fine to get out of class in years. Today I thought about it and kind of actually want to. It's been wearing on my mental health and its only getting harder to keep together as finals and mothers day get closer. As I'm finishing up typing this, I honestly just feel like screaming and crying.
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