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ohioisonfire
470 M Embraced 4
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceApril 27, 2015
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"It's not rape" *trigger warning
Trauma Support / by ohioisonfire
Last post
 May 23rd, 2015
...See more Hello. I'm a gay male and a around two years ago, I was raped by my boyfriend of a year. I was always super self conscious so I wasn't ever really ready for that kind of thing. But he was. He did wait for a while but then one day i guess he just couldn't anymore. We were in the back of his car and he pressured me to do it and told me he would out me if I didn't and all of these other things. So I did. But that wasn't the last time it happened. For the next 5 months it was a string of rapes and sexual assaults, even though i didn't think so at the time. Some times I gave in pretty easily. Other times, it was closer to the "stereotypical" kind. You know, him having to hold me down and such. I always told myself that it wasn't rape because he was my boyfriend. And then one day it just kind of hit me that it was. Partners aren't required to have sex if they don't want it. So I thought about it, and realized I should tell someone but I never did because I was still in the closet. Now, I'm almost glad I didn't say anything because I'm constantly being told that I'm lying and that boys can't be raped. I would've just made a fool of myself standing in a court room trying to convince everyone that I was raped. To this day, I still have nightmares about it. Sometimes I'll zone out and all I can see is one of the times he had is hands on me. I can remember the smell, the sounds, all of it. He ended up leaving me for someone else about a year ago and since then, I haven't had sex. I don't think I will for a long time either. It's so hard for me to trust people too. He started out so sweet and loving, and that just reminds me that anyone I see could be my next rapist.
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