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nyanpupu517
1 687 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts77 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes19 Current upvotes19 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2022 Member sinceAugust 2, 2022
Bio

I like cats, massages, and karaoke.

My favorite movie is Mostly Martha. I love playing Apex mobile.

I want to overcome my fear of failure and abandonment. I get overwhelmed at night with thoughts spiraling down to a really negative place so I want to learn how to manage my fears, anxiety, negative emotions so I can eat, sleep, and do fun things.

Recent forum posts
My period is gone…?
Eating Disorder Support / by nyanpupu517
Last post
 August 6th, 2022
...See more I take birth control pills so every month I get a period during my week off from pills. And the rest-from-pills-week started last Friday so I haven’t been taking my pills for a week now. But I haven’t gotten my period at all so I’m wondering if I should start a new sheet of pills as it’s been a week already, or wait till my period is back. I’m pretty under weight but my period has been consistent, so if this is from being under weight it’s my first experience. But I have lost weight recently which is why my friend recommended ED treatment (which I’ve started recently), so maybe my period is gone from being under weight??? Should I talk to a doctor???
Breaking relationships and work stuff
Personality Disorders Support / by nyanpupu517
Last post
 August 7th, 2022
...See more I have bn able to steer away from suicide attempts and cutting, but I still have a lot of turbulent relationships. I get super mad when people are not nice to me, or feel that they are attacking me. I’ve quit three jobs in the past three years bc of my rash decision to quit after feeling really offended by my coworkers or employer. I’ve also blocked countless friends that I used to be close with bc of something they said or their attitude towards me. Bc I don’t want them to cut me out of their life, I cut them out from mine first. I hate myself for it. I wish I didn’t feel so strongly or cared so much about how others treat me. I know it’s a defense mechanism due to past trauma and how my brain works, but it’s still really hard to not get super angry and then end relationships with friends, or quit jobs that had a really great environment/pay. I definitely want to be less rash in ending relationships and I want to not feel hurt so much but that’s an aspect of BPD that I have yet to overcome or figure out ways to get around. I hate myself for continuing that type of toxicity. Any good resources for this???
My friend says I have skinny privilege but I feel really weird about that
Eating Disorder Support / by nyanpupu517
Last post
 September 2nd, 2022
...See more I have a friend who tells me I have skinny privilege. And I guess I do? People compliment me for being skinny which is not really good for me but that’s been the case throughout my life. There were times I got teased for being too skinny. Like bony and disgusting. So I have really mixed feelings about my body. On the one hand I think I’m really ugly and undesirable on the other hand I have two romantic partners who really like my body. And then my friend says I have skinny privilege. And I guess she’s right. But at what cost? I constantly calculate calorie intake and choose foods based on how caloric they are. I also don’t eat sometimes to cut back. And since I’ve been doing that basically my whole life (when I was younger my mum used to control my calorie intake so I don’t “become overweight” and she often tells me even to this day that I should be grateful for the way she controlled my calorie intake), it’s pretty easy for me to not eat or even when I’m hungry I can quite easily ignore it. I know I shouldn’t overthink about what other people say about me but it’s very hard not to.
Checkin and about me
Eating Disorder Support / by nyanpupu517
Last post
 August 4th, 2022
...See more I have a fear of gaining weight or my physical appearance changing from what it is rn (BMI 15-16). And I skip meals or eat less after I felt like I overate or had a full meal. But today I was able to have one full meal with vegetables, rice, meat with my family for dinner and I snacked on chicken nuggets and chips before than. I couldn’t meet my goal of eating two meals a day but I will keep trying.
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