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nicofein
638 M Embraced 5
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts96 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2023 Member sinceMay 19, 2022
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What to do next? T.W.?
General Support / by nicofein
Last post
 July 31st, 2023
...See more It took me over 10 years to finally tell my dad how I feel. Today, I finally told him I remembered how I was treated differently than the other two kids. I told him about how I was begging for help and he told me depression isn’t real. How he compared my chemical imbalance and depression/anxiety medication to my mothers toxic need for pills and drugs. I told him how I truly felt that he hated me, just because I obtained my mothers looks. However, I also told him I’m sorry, that I know I wasn’t the best or easiest child to raise, as no kids are, and that I also forgave him. I accepted that he had his own things he was going through that affected his way to parent. He cried, I cried, we cried. I’m afraid he might be scared to come back around, but that’s not what I’m asking… What do I do next on my journey to mental recovery? For the first time since I moved to Kentucky with my dad since I was 7 (now almost 21), my mind is quiet. I am at peace somewhere within myself, but I’m also depressed. I feel like *** for having to tell my dad all of those things, and that I probably didn’t have to, but a part of me was starting to resent my dad for how he was, and that was causing me mental stress because I already didn’t have my mom growing up, I wanted to cling to my father with a firm 5 finger grip, but over time my fingers started to fail, and I was hanging on with the finger of hate/anger, not hope, happiness, confidence, or religion. I shut myself off from everyone and everything. And now I want to emerge. I want to finally be able to focus on my future and what I’m gonna do next instead of second guessing everything that crosses my path. I’m ready to be confident again. I’m ready to be happy, and to finally have hope that I’ll be okay in this *** world, I’m ready to open my mind to the fact that there might be another life after this body perishes. What do I do next?
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