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moonrake
1,071 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 48 Compassion hearts73 Forum posts42 Forum upvotes57 Current upvotes57 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceSeptember 2, 2019
Recent forum posts
How can I help someone who doesn't think they need help?
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by moonrake
Last post
 April 15th, 2020
...See more My boyfriend has developed a problem with speed over the past year. I freaking love this man to death, but my help is really only in the form of rescuing him, which I know is only making the problem worse, and it's making me resent him. And he seems to resent me, too, sometimes, followed by remorse and utter despair. He knows he has a problem. He has tried to quit in the past when he was still at home, but now that he's been kicked out the problem has just snowballed. He has had bad experiences with rehab, so there is a stigma with him when it comes to professional help. But I think it's past the point that he can do it on his own anymore, and I don't know how to convince him of that. He has lost his job, his home, one of his friends, and is kind of in limbo with the whole coronavirus quarantine cause he has nowhere to go. He sat in his car at the end of my driveway all day after a weekend-long binge because he isn't allowed inside of my parents house, intermittently sleeping and bitterly asking why I wasn't sitting there with him. I don't know how to talk to him anymore. He needs support, but not the kind that I can give him. I'm afraid that losing me will drive him over the edge, and I can't abandon him when he is totally alone and scared. I'm so stressed. I don't know what the hell I can do anymore. He is such a beautiful person outside of this. I can't bear to sit by and watch while his life is falling apart, but I just can't keep picking up the pieces for him if he's gonna stay in this cycle.
Nobody Sings Along
Journals & Diaries / by moonrake
Last post
 March 30th, 2020
...See more Usually the electronic buzzing from all of the machinery in her room would saw away at the remnants of her sanity, but tonight she welcomed it. The darkness was her friend, and the buzzing made her feel less alone. It cocooned her in an orchestra of artificial voices, friends. Tonight she sat silent and listened to what they had to say. She was used to that part, having listened voicelessly to others all her life. It was better than trying to sift through her own cacophany of thoughts as she so often did on nights like this. They gave her something else to focus on. Sigh. The bead groaned and protested as she rolled off the edge and landed nimbly on her feet. Her toes curled instinctively into the carpet as the sensation of rough fibers sent a flicker up her spine. She shuddered gleefully and shuffled her feet back and forth to recapture the feeling over and over. An uneven square of silver in the pitch black drew her near the window. The moon. A blessing and curse. It was so beautiful and inviting, but with it came the dimming of her stars. Her lips twitched as she gazed. Maybe if she stared long enough it would go away. She sang a silent song to the sun, wishing for him to come reclaim his mirror, and for the stars to come reclaim her. This planet exhausted her. She dreamt of floating up there with those tiny dots, being wished on by other dreamers and never having to worry about what all of this meant. Sigh. The darkness grew louder than the machines, and she crawled back into bed, wiping a dot of imaginary snot from the corner of her nose. Maybe tongiht she could just float there, and the sun would take back the moon, and she could shine. A tiny dot floating in this vast, noisy darkness.
I just can't get in the car
Anxiety Support / by moonrake
Last post
 March 17th, 2020
...See more I've been afraid of driving ever since I got my permit ten years ago. I went years without even practicing and finally in the last two years was gently pushed to start driving. I got pretty good driving back and forth to work. There's definitely anxiety while behind the wheel, but most of it reveals itself when presented with the opportunity to drive and before I get in the car. Now, I'm so much closer to getting my license, and that's great, but the closer I get the more my anxiety amps up about all the things that could go wrong or like how all this effort could be for naught and so on. I finally finished my drivers ed classes, and all that's left is the behind the wheel lessons. But I get so stressed and mess up when people watch me do just about anything, especially something so important. It would mean so much more freedom. And that puts a massive amount of pressure on me ontop of all that I get from everyone in my life. So I feel stuck between being a burden to them forever and finally spreading my wings. I don't know how to make myself procede. I feel like such a child asking for a ride every time I want to go somewhere or do something, so I mostly don't go anywhere that I can't walk to anymore. But that's no way to live. I have to do this for myself, I just don't know how to get past this barrier every time I'm handed a set of keys.
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