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mkaitx
102 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2020 Member sinceApril 4, 2020
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Abuse & family
Relationship Stress / by mkaitx
Last post
 April 7th, 2020
...See more Coming on April 15th will have been a year since my last contact with Joe (ex), a stay away order, and just about monthly domestic violence court and custody court. I'm just feeling absolutely nuts that I can't remove my thinking about the whole relationship, AND MISSING HIM! I hated him at first, but now I can't seem to stop thinking about him in loving light. Also thought that was apart of my healing, as my thinking was I needed to forgive him so I can heal. I ask myself, maybe it's because we had our first child together, now 1 1/2yrs. My morals have been important to keep my family together, but first, more important that I am happy, safe and healthy. In some crazy way, April 15th, the incident, I feel as horrible as it was, it was needed. It was needed for me anyway, to see things clearly. And all the growth I've done in the past year, I couldn't have done that being in a relationship. Just now, I wonder if I have grown so much in the past year, he must have to? It gets a little more crazy now.. I know.. lol. I always had suspicions of this very younger lady in our relationship, there was messages just about everyday, texts to meet up at the beach, and him getting extremely angry when I asked. Now finds himself in a relationship with her just months after. It's crazy, cause I find myself hoping it's all meant to be, that they needed to be together for his growth. I just can't simply move on. Then tell myself how fucked up I am for thinking like this.
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