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milkiiyy3303
1 861 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts60 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes27 Current upvotes27 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceDecember 28, 2024
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Disagreement I had with my mom over my future
General Support / by milkiiyy3303
Last post
 9 hours ago
...See more On Christmas, my mom came over to spend time with me and my siblings. It was great, we had Popeyes, played some games, it was fun. My mom then brings up the future. And how we are gonna live our adult lives. I told her I wanted to be a traditional wife.  And she was quite surprised.  I’ve grown up as the “gifted kid”. Got better grades (like usually straight A’s but I had times where I got B’s or C’s for a final grade), graduated high school at 15, yada yada.  Which i guess gave my mom the impression that I was gonna become a girl boss. Take on some challenging but well paid career path like being a lawyer or some sort of doctor.  And she told me as gently as possible that probably wasn’t a good idea because what if my husband leaves and I’m left with nothing and now I have babies to feed. And those are legitimate concerns, I’m not denying that. But I think that as long as I have a backup plan, and I do the preparations before becoming a trad-wife, I could make things work.  Because I’m afraid that if I do have kids, that by spending a lot of time working and taking care of the kids at the same time would be a lot of unnecessary stress that my kids are gonna in one way or another suffer, like through emotional neglect. And as someone who’s suffered from emotional neglect, I don’t want anyone, ANYONE, to go through that.  Perhaps I could get a job after the formative years that’s not entirely full time, but maybe part time, which would still help me pitch in financially so that not all of the financial burden is on my husband. And I told my mom all of that, but she’s desperate on me getting a degree, getting a job, and working, even as a mom.  Because jobs don’t care if ur a stay at home mom, if u have a Highschool degree, and no job experience, there’s no way an employer is gonna hire u. Which I understand.  But even then, if the job market is such trash then I could just move to another country where I can still live my dream. Idk.  Im just not sure that going into college, when you don’t know what you wanna do, and hoping for the best, is gonna be fruitful. I mean maybe it will, but in my case, since I know me, idk if that’s gonna work. I wanna know what I wanna do before I go into college so I’m not wasting my parents money, and also putting myself into a load of debt. Maybe it’s just from my personal issues that I think this approach won’t be so helpful for me, and I honestly do believe that’s probably it. But there’s probably also some truth to that, in that going into college and hoping for the best isn’t that wise, considering how much it costs, and how much debt you’ll be put under.  All I’m saying is that i don’t know if I should go to college or not. I’m not sure what job I wanna pursue, or how that and or college is going to get in the way of my other goals. I do know I’m set on wanting to be a stay at home mom as my primary job, and having my husband be the breadwinner or at least mostly. And I do know I’m set on not having a full time job or full time college classes during some parts of my future child’s life, maybe after a certain period, but that really depends on the circumstances.  I just don’t know if I’m thinking unrealistically. I wanna be a traditional wife, and I think that would give future me the most fulfillment. Maybe my thoughts would change but for now, this is what I want for my future, and depending on the circumstances I might need to work part time, or if I wanna work full time after a certain period in my child’s life, I could do that. But my mom thinks that’s not a good idea and I’m more than likely going to end up on welfare or homeless, and I guess she wants me to be working and be a mother at the same time.  So, any thoughts or advice?
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Struggling to Improve
General Support / by milkiiyy3303
Last post
 January 1st
...See more [TW mentions of self-delete] For some context, I’m 18. I recently turned 18 about a month ago. And these issues have been prevalent since basically my whole life but now I’m really starting to feel like I’m running out of time to fix them.  There’s a lot I want to work on and start improving on but I’m finding it almost impossible to be consistent let alone start at times. I’m always trying to run before I can crawl. All I wanna do is get this thing over with so I can continue on with life, but that often times isn’t going to work. And i find myself becoming frustrated that I can’t get the results I want, when I want them, which makes me give up momentarily. Or permanently. Additionally, if I’m having a bad day or if I’m upset, I’ll skip a day and find that I don’t have the motivation to continue where i left off so I end up giving up. I’m a perfectionist so if things aren’t perfect, then forget about it.  The only ways I find myself truly sticking to my goals is if I really REALLY want to achieve that goal, and I’m willing to do ANYTHING to get it. Or if I’m put under immense pressure (such as a deadline or some consequence I’m deeply afraid of that in order to avoid it I HAVE to do this thing.) then I will make a way, even if I partially do that thing. As long as I don’t have to feel the immense anxiety from not doing that thing, idc if I fully complete a task or not. (But a lot of the time, I never actually wanna accomplish any of these goals, like genuinely, I’m only forcing myself to do it because Ik I have to and I don’t wanna face the consequences if I don’t do such.) But i know constantly putting myself under severe pressure and anxiety is often times just going to make me SO overwhelmed that I will want to take a permanent nap (aka self-delete). A excellent example was during my last few years of HS, I was doing pretty badly so my dad decided to help me. My dad can be very critical if not harshly critical over any mistakes. So if I get a score anything less than perfect, he will complain, get frustrated with me, force me to redo something, constantly complain that it’s not hard, I’m not dumb, I’m not trying hard enough, I don’t understand the material cuz I’m not 100% certain of the definition of a word used in a question, blah blah blah. It would cause me SO much anxiety that at times I’d turn in assignments blank or half do them just to avoid him having to help me with them (which made things worse). And it got SOO bad that I thought about taking a permanent nap SEVERAL times, made plans, and even tried to carry out those plans at times.  Luckily I made it through all that suffering and graduated with mostly A’s but it was horrible. And I know that doing all that is just going to make me wanna be wiped off the face of the planet.  So I honestly don’t know what to do. I need a career but I don’t know what I should do. There’s nothing I love that I want to make a career out of (I draw but it’s not that great and it’s really only a hobby that I sometimes partake in when I’m bored). I can’t go to college cuz 1. SATS (English part is easy, it’s the math bit that I can’t seem to get past). And 2. I don’t wanna drain my parents pockets to try and “figure out” what I wanna do. I live with my dad so I’m gonna have to ask him to pay for it but he doesn’t want me to go to college unless I’m ABOLUTELY CERTAIN of what I want, because besides a few career paths that you can pursue from getting a college degree, college is practically useless and a waste of time and money.  And maybe I could get a job if I wasn’t so petrified of interviews and what work life will be like. I’m too scared of messing up and getting told off. Plus my hygiene is crap and i really don’t wanna embarrass myself or burden others with it.  But because I can hardly get myself to keep a steady hygiene routine without giving up after a day or two, idk how I’m gonna make things work. So…yeah. That’s about it. I don’t know how posting this is going to make things better because at the end of the day, I have to make the change, and I already know I probably won’t.  I feel, almost completely hopeless. But I’ve been watching this Christian guy on YouTube that makes a lot of content about these issues (I’m Christian btw). And it feels like he’s basically my only source of guidance. I found out through him that I need to start learning how to love myself, and to receive Gods love because that would make things a lot easier? If I’m not wrong. So I’ve been trying to follow along and such but ofc things are not working out :’D… I’m thinking about posting this also to the Christian community on here, cuz maybe it might help.
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