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lovingPomegranate1982
121 M Embraced 1
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2024 Member sinceJuly 12, 2023
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self worth and validation
Young People of Color / by lovingPomegranate1982
Last post
 July 16th, 2023
...See more Hi all, I'm mostly seeking advice here and would appreciate anything you have to offer about tips/ your story. Here's mine: I have been in a monogomous relationship for 5 years now, on/off. And I noticed that in my friend group, I meet people who need something from me emotionally. Like I will make friends and they will want to feel special/loved and I go all out (birthday surprises, rides, sharing food, etc.). Eventually someone will tell me that they love that about me, and they have a crush on me, that I see/understand them like no other. I tell them I'm in a relationship. But they tell me I'm addicting and I feel a need to tell them that I DO feel like I understand them, but I have a girlfriend. Things get messy because I am not great with boundaries, my gf gets insecure, and I lose a friend. This has happened 3 times now. I am getting better at being more aggressive with my "no, I'm not interested. Please take space from me." but it's hard for me to step away from my 'friends' because I feel like they need me to make them feel good. I feel a sense of validation from knowing that I was able to do something for my friend. I was able to make them feel seen, and that makes me feel useful. It's twisted, but I am used to having to prove my worth growing up. I'm a Queer Mexican American woman and I grew up hiding the parts of myself that my parents rejected. I have no examples of healthy love. I live with my parents at the cost of my mental health. And I feel like I always need to have a use/purpose for someone else, or else I feel worthless. My question is: for those growing up POC with parents who constantly criticize and validated everything you brought (good grades, medals, awards, etc) without showing you how to love yourself... how do you navigate that? How do you stop that nasty impulse to do EVERYTHING you can to please someone else? I feel like I have such a sweet and loving partner, and she has done so much to understand me even when I tell her all the ways that I have been disrespectful. I don't want to hurt her or anyone else anymore. Even if we don't end up together, I don't want it to be because I have such a low self worth and can't be accountable for my actions. I want to change and step forward.
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