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On Christmas morning, 12 hours after arriving in Arizona for vacation, I received from Doctor J, a supposed trauma expert with 40-years experience, abruptly terminating my care with his wife, my doctor of five years. His decision was made based on a misinterpretation and has allowed no room for discussion. This so-called expert has inflicted extraordinary harm. He has blocked all access to communication with my doctor. A doctor who in writing promised on multiple occasions, that this outcome would not ever happen. Five weeks later and there is no reprieve from the pain this has caused.
He intended this outcome. He made his feelings for me pretty clear three years ago when he decided to lay a guilt trip on me. He did so by writing to me that my doctor "Suffers very deeply inside over your struggles." Under no circumstance should a client be made to worry about their therapist. He stepped out of his role as a psychologist and commented as her husband. Very unprofessional. Reading those words hurt me. And I've worried about them ever since. As a result, week after week, I would bring treats, hot tea, tokens to try and mitigate the harm that my existence was apparently causing.
My doctor and I had a disagreement over some medical decisions that we were unable to resolve. The issue arose about three years ago. Doctor J, early last year, decided to get involved. However, his involvement did not include a genuine interest in reaching a solution, instead it was an opportunity to obtain an outcome. An outcome he knew would occur based on his years of experience. In fact, he publicly speaks to that outcome in his teachings.
He first began the manipulation by denying me an opportunity to have a conversation with him. In a good faith effort, I did try to work with him via email. However, I struggle with email conversations, and this was well understood by his wife who met me outside in the dead of winter for appointments when the office was closed for quarantine.
After several months passed, I again asked for a conversation. This request was ignored. I continued to ask and was continually ignored. My frustration grew.
During the written dialog, in an attempt to be heard, I used words like medical error, mistake, and negligence. At no time did Doctor J state that this language was a problem and did not ever advise that it could be misconstrued and result in termination. I never had any bad intent in using these words but was just trying to be heard. In November 2021, after advising that on other previous occasions that he both did not have the requisite medical knowledge to review, but that he also could not be neutral due to the fact that the issue was with his wife, I suggested that we delete my name and submit the issue to the malpractice insurance for a neutral review. Again, no red flags. No comments. Nothing.
Doctor J recently spoke about the need to be heard, making the following statements “children need to be seen. children need to heard. and they need to be held.” “we can almost predict when the burden will be so heavy that the child will explode and the disruptive behavior will show” “it sets the interaction up to be a trigger for a trauma schema.“ “the lack of a bridge between you and me in that moment then sets it up for the trauma schema which is also a set of roles that then gets applied to that interaction. these roles are very pernicious and negative. the roles in a trauma schema are a perpetrator, a victim, a bystander who doesn’t do anything, and a collaborator who is actually on the side of the perpetrator but doesn’t want to participate. and that infuses itself, it’s drawn into the interaction between the teacher and the student where the student now treats the teacher as a perpetrator… then things go south.” “time after time something that began in a completely neutral way falls into this trap and then you get some kind of an enactment that harms the relationship”
Doctor J along with my doctor also speak to the issues with social media and email falls into that category. “i think that what actually worried me about the social media is that there isn’t enough practice of person-to-person interaction. there is this mediator which is a screen which is not responsive with the facial expression, with the body, temperature and the presence” - doctor l “a kind of disembodied emotional expression and this is something which the pandemic, of course, the remote learning has really impacted our students over the last two years which we are now trying to catch up a little bit here. it’s been a major problem.“ -doctor j
So, he speaks of a known outcome, an explosion. After eight months of being denied an opportunity to be seen and heard, he got what he wanted. On December 23rd, I asked for the medical malpractice insurance carrier. No legal action in mind whatsoever. Really just thought this was a way to get a neutral review. Not make a complaint. Again, this was also a desperate attempt for attention. It was impulsive. It was stupid. It was not thought out. But at no time were we thinking of anything that would put our relationship with our doctor in jeopardy. Not at anytime prior to this event had an attorney even been looked up let alone contacted.
Doctor J decided my intent despite never having a single conversation with me. In the days and weeks since I have sent several, pained and desperate emails to no avail. He continues to insist he knows my intent better than I do.
He has blocked every avenue of communication with my doctor despite the fact that termination in this manner is a violation of the medical and psychiatric ethics codes.
This event is so shocking given how close my doctor and I were. She came to my graduation and I wear the bracelet she gave me every day. A bracelet she replaced only a few months ago when I lost it on vacation.
I am devastated.
Every call I make seeking help leads to the same response – file a complaint.
All I want. All I need. Is to speak with my doctor.