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limegreenTalker4976
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2017 Member sinceDecember 13, 2017
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Anxiety Support / by limegreenTalker4976
Last post
 December 13th, 2017
...See more Let me just drop sentiments here, because I'm only somewhat capable of forming a coherent thought. I feel horrible. I am a teacher and my class is absolutely awful. My class is going to be observed in 2 days and I'm not ready. Even if I were ready, it would still be a disaster. My co-workers are pulling away from me as if they don't want to be seen getting too chummy with me, which is never a good sign in the long term. I haven't eaten since noon Sunday (currently 630 PM Tuesday). I am cooking a frozen pizza as I type because I academically know I must eat, but I absolutely could put it away for some other time (considering this anyway). I haven't slept a full night in years, even with herbal stuff like melatonin. I used to do archery and fencing. I used to love to read and play video games to unwind. I am doing neither of those things, because I can't. I am so stressed I can't think straight. The previously mentioned pizza spent 40 minutes on my counter because I forgot to turn the oven on. The mental image I can't banish is being eaten alive by insects. (sorry for that) I am taking herbal stress/anxiety stuff, but it's very obviously not working. I don't want to go to a doctor because a.) I may or may not have insurance at any given time, and b.) these probems are my own idiot fault. I honestly believe, body, mind, and soul, that I deserve all of this. I dug myself this hole, despite people screaming at me to stop, and I didn't listen to them. Not one. So I deserve to stay here. But I don't want to. I know that if there's any justice in this world, I will stay in the hole I dug, but I don't want to. I feel like a goddamned hypocrite just writing that.
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