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lilylovelace
1,064 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2018 Member sinceMarch 7, 2017
Bio
Cats and movies and baking and daydreaming and drawing
Recent forum posts
My Anxiety prevents me from doing things
Anxiety Support / by lilylovelace
Last post
 May 9th, 2018
...See more Lately i've been planning stuff for my vacation because i thought that having a time for myself is going to help me overcome my anxiety and i wanted to be less dependent on things 'cause since i've been in a relationship i have never really went to places alone. I told my boyfriend about this and he's very supportive about it. So i thought i was having a great start. My panic attacks have been lesser since last year, they're milder and more manageable (i used to go off full blast like having an asthma attack in a mall, my panic attacks scare people including my family). I'm not sure if i have social anxiety because the doctor told me it was more of a GAD. But lately i get that "impending doom" feeling when i'm in public with a huge crowd, like palpitations, dizziness, hand shaking, nausea. I don't mind going out if there's not much people. I hate large parties (even if it's with people i know). I've been looking for places and deals/tours and my head spins. Planning is overwhelming and i've been doing this for days and i feel like quitting, I'll just stay here at home and save money. My head is gonna explode. And it's making my boyfriend frustrated because i was just telling him things i want to do but i never get to do them because i end up scared. My decision making is also shit. I leave it up to him, he asks me things and encourages me to decide even on small things but i just say "whatever you want". So maybe it's affecting this whole planning thing too. I don't know what i'm saying anymore here but i want to get out of this. It has affected my life in a very significant way. School, friends, family, relationships, etc. and i can't let it control me, but how do i get out of it if it's holding me on my neck
coming back to 7cups
Anxiety Support / by lilylovelace
Last post
 August 4th, 2018
...See more I've been on 7cups since the last year maybe, i got busy somewhere in the middle, then i'm back. I wouldn't be back for no reason. Idk where i'm going with this but i just really have no one to talk to right now, so i'm sorry. I was here because of terrible panic attacks and anxiety. I could go off in the mall, or in school. (I'm a postgrad student btw). My boyfriend forced me to see a pyschiatrist, she gave me meds to calm me down and exercises and all those but i got lost to followup. I'm busy plus i really hate going there explaining myself. It got okay for a while, then came back on a lesser degree but on a different level, yknow what i mean. I was just emitting negative energy all the time that even my relationship with my boyfriend gets affected. Nothing quite made sense to me. I went to another psychiatrist because i just know i have to and what goes in my mind isn't really healthy. I know i won't be able to pull off suicide, i had back up plans if ever, like a self-destruct button, and if i were to be hit by a ten-wheeler truck, i'd really thank the driver. So, the doctor gave me a different medication. I took it, felt really awful afterwards. I was more suicidal than before. I always keep looking at the top of the buildings and what relief would i feel if i just jump off then and there. I knew something is really really wrong this time and i started googling the medications given to me. Turns out it'd make me feel more suicidal first before it'd make me feel okay. I stopped taking it. Was about to go back to the doctor but never made it due to my schedule. Then i had to have a minor surgery, a lymph node dissection. I thought i'd have lymphoma or something. It was terrible, going back almost everyday to the hospital seeing different doctors etc. I came to a point of just accepting whatever the diagnosis will be, im just gonna die anyway, what better excuse to sulk and hide. Then it was benign. After that i felt a lot better. Things were going okay. Until recently, last month, someone from my class...jumped off our building. Who'd have thought that this funny kid was gonna do that. We don't know each other personally, and we've had the same incident the past 6 months but from our seniors. It was different if you know the person. I tried to keep my light mood in all of those, all i did was deny that it really happened. I started to feel it crawl back to me, slowly...i don't know if it had reached me fully because lately, i've been feeling odd, it's odd and very familiar. I've had few impending panic attacks, i knew it too well that i learned what i'd do. Last night was the latest. I know i was gonna go off, my hands were literally shaking and everything is just spinning but i mustnt because i'm in someone else's house and it'd be embarrassing and etc. I don't like this coming back, but i don't want medications too, i have a difficult time with psychiatrists because one, they're my professors and two, i find it difficult telling them what my real concern is. also, therapy is expensive so...idk. that's why i end up always in websites like this
I am not sure
Depression Support / by lilylovelace
Last post
 June 22nd, 2017
...See more Hello. I'm new to this group. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but the past few months have been rough, i was told that i might also have depresssion (haven't asked my doctor about that yet). I am not sure, and i do not want to assume. So, I tried online tests (the more legit looking type) and they say there's a high possibility that i am. Im also not sure if thinking about death ( ie. how am i going to die, what if i die today, what if i drink all of my anxiolytics) is considered suicidal already. But i admit to self harming, even way back when i was in highschool. I can't talk to my parents because they're not as open about this issue and they'll just scold me for thinking that way. I can't tell my doctor about it because i'm scared, everytime i try to my tongue just roll back. Aside from that, i feel like i'm too aware that maybe i'm just making it up and jut overthinking and it actually isn't true. I still am a student, and it bothers me, 'cause if i return back to school (and i hate school) it will become a lot worst, i might do something to myself, Please help me. I'm sorry if this is all overthe place and messy
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