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lightSea47
3,211 M Seeking Light
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts107 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes25 Current upvotes25 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 15, 2023
Recent forum posts
Dealing with a partner’s sexual history
Relationship Stress / by lightSea47
Last post
 May 24th, 2023
...See more Any advice for dealing with a partner’s sexual history? It makes me really insecure, and I hate feeling that way, because I have my own history! However, I had a serious boyfriend before him who was my only experience, my current has had way more experiences including one night stands, which bother me. I don’t quite know why, but I do know it’s retroactive jealousy. Help!
Becoming more positive
7 Cups Online Therapy / by lightSea47
Last post
 May 9th, 2023
...See more I have always been a bit of a pessimistic person, but as of late, I have become increasingly more negative. I had a bad outlook on my personality, my body, my work, my sport, etc. I don’t view myself in a positive light at all. I also have immense relationship anxiety and stress, and I really think my negative outlook has affected it. I just have a bad attitude. I am going to start my journey on being more positive by starting my morning with a positive journal entry to start out the day on the right note. What are things you do to be more positive when you have a negative self image or a pessimistic view on something? — 🌊
Learning to move forwards after immense difficulties
Relationship Stress / by lightSea47
Last post
 May 24th, 2023
...See more This may be kind of long, so I hope you bear with me, but I would appreciate anyone who has any advice on how I can help myself get through this. My boyfriend and I have had a very special relationship from the beginning. I first met him when I was 15 and had the biggest crush on him, but he was slightly older, and it wasn’t reciprocated. I finished high school, and eventually when I came home for summer during college, we met again. We became incredibly close friends very quickly- everything was easy and we had a lot of love for each other. We were very attracted to each other and began dating. We had a really good relationship for the most part. We were pretty much inseparable, still had our own friends / hobbies, but just loved being together even if we each did our own thing. My family accepted him as their own, and being that his home life isn’t great, it was even more meaningful to him. He came to all my competitions, would help me with anything and everything, and I did the same for him. We shared the same values, etc, and knew that one day we would get married. We joked about it when we were friends first. We love each other. Our relationship began to fall apart in January. Our biggest downfall was he struggles to communicate and express his feelings, and I can be argumentative and defensive. I really don’t mean to, but I am a strong personality. I became incredibly depressed, and I took things out on him. He felt like he couldn’t come to me with how he felt, so our relationship started to spiral downwards. Additionally, he was also struggling with his mental health, with his job, with his family life, and his mom was diagnosed with cancer. It became very unhealthy, I was very insecure, and I was hurting him as a result. We broke up for about two weeks, and it was very hard on me. I lost over 10 pounds, wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating, and was incredibly depressed and anxious. I began journaling about all the things I wanted to fix and ways I could be better, if I was given a second chance. Eventually, we came back together. He said it was incredibly hard for him as well. He felt like I didn’t love him, and my argumentativeness, defensiveness, and pushing him away really hurt him, especially with everything else going on. During those two weeks though, he didn’t handle his emotions well. He was also not sleeping or eating, but he was also staying out until 2 in the morning. He was drinking every day, was drunk every night, and he saw another girl. They kissed, but didn’t sleep together or go over each other’s house or anything. He says that he was struggling and just wanted attention to try and feel better, that it wasn’t true attraction or feelings, that he thought about me, and only wanted to be with me. He was also emotional during that time, which he never is. He has since cut her off. He is now sober, now in therapy, and investing a lot of time / energy into his own mental health. It’s been about 2 months since this, and everyday he has really shown he is serious about getting better. He has also continued to show emotion, even cried during our deeper talks, which is a big deal for him, as it is so hard for him to express his feelings. We often talk about ways we can better our relationship and each other. We know we want to be together. We love each other and want a strong, healthy, happy relationship, and we are both willing to put in the effort (I am also in therapy, investing in myself, etc). However, I am really struggling with him seeing that girl. It really hurts my feelings. I feel very silly for feeling this way, but I cannot move past this. I want to move past it, and I know I need to in order to move forwards with him. But it’s hard. Therapy is helpful but hasn’t fixed it, and the same goes for journaling, talking through it, etc. I’m incredibly anxious and depressed right now, and I feel this is a big contributing factor. What advice do you have for me to understand that he wants to be with me, and she was not a reflection of what he wanted, but how bad he was feeling?
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