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lavenderFig5845
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 3, 2024
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Advice needed (long posts but please help
Self-Harm Recovery / by lavenderFig5845
Last post
 September 26th
...See more To preface this, I have seen a psychologist recently and am seeing a therapist actively but they haven't been able to give me any insight and I'm at a loss of what to do now. It took me two+ years on a wait list and my psychology appointment lasted 30 mins with no follow up.  Was taking lexapro from age 20 to 28 (2012 to 2020). Originally started as I had a bit of a breakdown at 20 and started just hurling my past traumas at my parents. I come from a strict religious background that never acknowledged mental health before this. They pushed me to go to my family doctor and according to a checklist my family doctor went through I had depression and he prescribed me 5mg lexapro (cipralex in Canada). Didn't see a psychologist or therapist just my family doctor. Within the next year for the first time I was more confident, no more social anxiety, was actually outgoing and social and started dating for the first time. Over the next 8 years he lowered/increased my doses based on different reasons.  During 2019 I started experiencing burst of anger, paranoia, mood swings and erratic behaviour. I was not thinking straight for the most part and during this my uncle somehow convinced me my lexapro was to blame. Going against my better judgement I went cold turkey on the lexapro in January 2020 and by February/March I had a full on breakdown, the affects of which lasted a long time. During this time I started bringing up past trauma with my parents again, was convinced everyone including friends and family were against me and that they were constantly lying to me even over the most trivial small things. Was also convinced that my doctor gave me lexapro without me being properly diagnosed and that he messed up my brain chemistry.  I woke up one morning having another mood swings and quit my job while crying. I moved back with my parents. I haven't held down a proper job since then and am still at my parents. I also haven't been dating as my old confidence is nowhere to be seen and I'm extremely anxious.  At the start of 2022 I finally saw my family doctor again and he said I still didn't need a psychologist or therapist I just needed to start taking the lexapro again, which I did for 3/4 months before asking him if I can taper off and while he didn't think I should he helped me taper off it. As of September 2022 I haven't taken lexapro at all. I should mention that I was a daily weed smoker from 2011 to September 2022 at which point I also quit weed cold turkey and have only smoked once in a blue moon.  I am still at my parents and jobless but I enrolled in college and am actually doing well. I start an internship soon and am looking for a job too. But since September 2022 I still have anxiety, my brain feels foggy, my memory used to be amazing but it feels like n more forgetful. I also still have no confidence and anxiety I'm not dating. My entire personality feels different. Idk what to do. I went to a psychologist recently and he thought I just needed therapy not meds but once I told him how much for the better I changed when I initially took it, he said I should start again at 5mg. My therapist (who I've been seeing since soetlagreed but he's been saying I need meds since I first started seeing him (he thinks I need a combination of meds and therapy).  Now here I am not knowing what to do. I just want to feel like myself again. I want to date again and not be afraid to talk to girls again. I want to feel happy and not anxious. I want to hold down a job and move out and get going with my life again. Do I start my meds again and hope for the best? Or am I stuck like this forever?
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