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lavenderCranberry3121
296 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts80 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes61 Current upvotes61 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 24, 2023
Recent forum posts
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Celibacy
Relationship Stress / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 December 1st, 2023
...See more Broke my 3 year celibacy today and I feel absolutely horrible and terrible about myself.  I regret it very much. I very much dislike sex, and every time in my life I've felt obligated and pressured to do so. I do it and have done it because it's expected of me. I want to cry. I feel good about myself when I abstain. I feel at peace and connected to and with myself. I feel pure and a cleansing for all my sins. .now I feel like a piece of trash. Garbage.  I can't believe I did this to myself again
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Uncomfortable
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 November 2nd, 2023
...See more After 3 months of successfully avoiding the guy that I previously posted about, I unfortunately encountered him today.  Walking to my usual bus stop, I looked across the street and there he was heading to work. He waved, I waved and quickly turned my head.  I kept walking and felt like I was being watched. I glanced over, and he was blowing kisses at me..asking me to come over and kiss him.  He was shouting that he still wants me to be his girlfriend because he likes me a lot. Guess he's one of those men that think women owe him whatever he wants.  I kept shaking my head no...and turned a corner and went in a direction where there were more people.   It made me very uncomfortable.  
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20something
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 October 11th, 2023
...See more 20something year high school reunion coming up.  I'll never attend though. I'm single, no kids, no friends, nothing really going on in my life. I'm still the loser..I never grew up to be a winner...like most of my former classmates are... I was bullied all through school anyways...for being different,  a lonely loser who didn't have friends, who nobody really spoke to... who was invisible to everyone, who stayed by herself, who was quiet and barely said anything,  who was never befriended,  who has never been picked ..genuinely...only picked by people who used me and tossed me away like trash...etc... I'm still that person in adult form... I'm such a loser
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Hug
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 October 21st, 2023
...See more Sometimes I desperately crave for a hug and someone who is genuine to talk to...
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Younger people
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 November 29th, 2023
...See more I find myself often jealous and envious of younger people. Sometimes it saddens me a lot because I am older and feel like I just wasted my life, and I get jealous because a lot of them are what I'll never be nor ever have those qualities and characteristics.
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Crying
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 October 9th, 2023
...See more Is it normal to cry a lot multiple times a day??
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Is it better to ultimately be single?
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 October 7th, 2023
...See more Too many people are broken beyond repair and know this but intentionally get in relationships,  expecting these relationships to be great, but of course they're all disasterous... Too many people only get into relationships to appease others, and because they feel it's what is expected of them. Which ends up ultimately disastrous and with both people unhappy. Too many people only get in relationships because they don't want to be excluded and look and be "odd one" left out because friends family all or most are in relationships and perhaps have kids...which is disasterous  Too many people just get into relationships because the one they truly love and want to be with don't want them, so they get with someone as a backup plan and perhaps to make the other jealous enough to want to be with them again...disasterous  Too many people know that they want to remain single but they get into relationships...and still act single and inappropriate..disasterous.. Are majority of people worth it?? Does remaining single ultimately bring the most peace even if that peace isn't known to that person yet??
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Wonder if the problem is ultimately me
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 October 9th, 2023
...See more I'm wondering if ultimately I am the problem, because the only people that have ever shown an interest in me whether it be in a romantic or friendship sense have all been lonely people who sought me out to  temporarily fill empty voids and egos within themselves.  I have all given people who I found to be appealing and interesting who I thought found me interesting as well a clean slate and a chance to converse and see what it lead to if anything. Especially if they asked to exchange numbers. The truth eventually comes forward. They have all lied and pretended to be genuinely interested in me but eventually they all discarded me like trash when they found confidence, self love, and found someone they were genuinely interested in.  Been in 4 long term relationships in life, each lasting 5 years, during the 5th year when there's talks and plans of marriage and sharing the remainder of our lives together, all of them told me that they never were genuinely interested in me in any way, were lonely and desperate for a relationship and chose me because "you appeared easy to get along with and you seemed very lonely because you're always by yourself ".. Then after telling me that, they either ended things officially,  or ghosted me. These type of people I've always met in life.  This is why I am always very confused when it comes to someone being genuine and fake. Also when it comes to determining red flags. Honestly, the first time ever I sorta picked up on what may be red flags...was the situation with that guy that I recently posted about. Am I the problem??  Are voids, loneliness and desperation the underlying basis to any type of relationship that very few will admit to and be openand honest about? Even if it starts genuinely,  does it always end up staying because of comfortability, and loneliness?? Am I fooling myself into believing that perhaps someone will genuinely want me?? Will I always be approached by "you're available and so am I let's make a go out of it" people???
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