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kindBranch5968
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PathStep 3 Compassion hearts32 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceMarch 14, 2018
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Struggling with guilt attached to OCD intrusive thoughts
OCD & Related Behaviors / by kindBranch5968
Last post
 September 7th, 2019
...See more Hey everyone, I've been dealing with Pure-O OCD since I was around 10 years old, but i've found that its actually gotten worse in these past two years. I'm currently in my last year of high school, having moved to a new school this year so I think that the stress caused by this might be contributing to it. I'm finding the guilt and shame caused by my intrusive thoughts at times overwhelming and debilitating and I'm not sure how to lesson this without continually reassuring myself that the obsessional/intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of myself, but are a misfiring in the brain/ just fear and anxiety. I find this cycle of constant self-doubt and rumination exhausting but I'm not sure how else to reduce the anxiety that I feel when these thoughts come up? This guilt feels suffocating and I sometimes struggle to believe that I am truly a good person, despite logically knowing that they are a symptom of OCD. At times the guilt attached to these intrusive thoughts also makes me feel like I don't deserve happiness, peace or love. I find that I avoid situations that trigger these thoughts which I know ensures that the thoughts reoccur, but I feel that the anxiety I feel when I'm in triggering situations is too much to handle, and so I keep avoiding, ruminating and scouring the web in search of posts that reassure me that I am a good person. I sometimes feel stuck in these thoughts as I find it really really hard to open up to anyone about them, including my psychologist. I feel like because they cause me so much guilt and distress, they would horrify anyone I opened up to and they would think of me differently. Sorry this comes across as a massive rant but I'm just feeling really alone and trapped in this, and not sure how to rid myself of this guilt. I know that opening up to my psychologist about these intrusive thoughts would be a good first thing to do, but I'm just so wrapped up in guilt and shame about them, I'm scared I never will have the courage to. Has anyone opened up about to someone about intrusive thoughts that cause them distress? and if so, do you have any advice about how to find the courage to do so?
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