Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
joycejoycejoyce
2,371 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 100 Compassion hearts86 Forum posts117 Forum upvotes148 Current upvotes148 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2018 Member sinceSeptember 13, 2016
Bio
Hello, I am new here and still learning how things work. I am living with PTSD comorbid with bipolar disorder. Bipolar is newer for me and I have just moved through a lot of acceptance of it over the past 2 years. It can be a challenge but I am determined to find enjoyment in my life and I am committed to making healthier habits, working toward healing trauma, living with and managing my moods and symptoms. I am also a veteran but I am very much against war. I used to use the VA and was hospitalized there twice, and spent time in one of their residential programs for about 2-3 months. 2016 is an institution free year for me and I hope to keep it that way forever. One activity that I find helpful for healing from trauma is surfing. It reminds me that I am self-reliant and that I can break through my adrenaline. Also that I am connected to so many things that are bigger than I am.
Recent forum posts
Helpful article about the stigma of Laziness
Disability Support / by joycejoycejoyce
Last post
April 20th, 2017
...See more Hi everyone. I have not posted here before. My name is Joyce. I am a veteran and I am disabled. I have PTSD and Bipolar Disorder, as well as a pretty managable autoimmune issue (I cannot absorb or retain B12 which causes malnutrition and anemia when its at its worst.) Anyway, as I made my journey through work, poverty, and now living as a permanently disabled person on a fixed income, people's perception and judgement has been difficult, and laziness is a stigma I think many people battle. Definitely me. I read this article today and thought other people might also find it helpful. The Ableist, Racist, Classist Underpinnings Of ‘Laziness Hello, Im a lazy Millennial. In other words, Im from a generation that has worked more hours for less money than any generation before me, but occasionally Ieat a granola bar for breakfast [http://www.thekitchn.com/millenials-are-too-lazy-to-eat-cereal-for-breakfast-228980] instead of pouring myself a bowl of cereal. According to some, including many writers of online thinkpieces [https://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/2013/11/04/idle-millennials-are-victims-their-parents-success/2rWDFWXQHo290FqUpz0HOO/story.html], thats enough to make me lazy. But the problem isnt me, or young people in general, or any group thats historically been decried for its idleness. Like Millennials, groups that are called lazy are often the hardest-working people around. Theyre just subject to ableism, racism, classism, and other bigotry that codes exploitation or exhaustion as unwillingness to work. I myself have had a very confusing relationship with laziness from a young age, often being called lazy for enjoying reading and video games by the same parents who praised me for always getting my homework done on time. Needless to say, I became rather confused about the quality of my work ethic. Was I lazy or not? In my teens, I developed an anxiety disorder and a perfectionism that made academic shirking impossible, but the constant state of worry disrupted my sleep and left me so exhausted that I would often come home from school and go straight to bed for a nap. Sometimes, all I could do was lay in bed, awake, ruminating on everything I could possibly worry about. But because I was in bed, this was called laziness. Groups that are called 'lazy' are often the hardest-working people around. [https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=%E2%80%9CGroups+that+are+called+%27lazy%27+are+often+the+hardest-working+people+around.%E2%80%9D&via=ESTBLSHMNT&related=ESTBLSHMNT&url=http://www.theestablishment.co/?p=12868]_ [https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=%E2%80%9CGroups+that+are+called+%27lazy%27+are+often+the+hardest-working+people+around.%E2%80%9D&via=ESTBLSHMNT&related=ESTBLSHMNT&url=http://www.theestablishment.co/?p=12868] In adulthood, I encountered yet more inconsistencies about what it meant to be lazy. Like many young adults, I started out working in the food and customer service industries, before I eventually got a job as a content writer for a digital marketing company. I worked so little at that office job, I couldnt believe it. I could spend multiple hours each day scrolling through Tumblr or playing on social media. My work time involved reading articles vaguely related to my work—mostly because there wasnt much work for me to do. Compared to being on my feet all day, being expected to work every moment on the clock, it was nothing. I worked three times as hard at my food and customer service jobs as I did at any of my digital marketing positions. And yet contemptuous thinkpiecers keep on describing people who work in those industries as lazy. Why dont you get a REAL job? Like reading Tumblr while sitting at a desk, instead of busting your ass at McDonalds. According to Dr. Alison Munoff, a licensed clinical psychologist, laziness is nothing more than a value judgement. ‘Laziness is not a personality trait, it is simply a matter of a lack of proper motivation and reinforcement, as it is a behavioral pattern rather than a part of who we are, says Dr. Munoff. The ability to actively approach a task in a time-effective manner changes depending on the task and its value in our lives. For example, in a situation of obtaining limited resources, people find themselves quite motivated and resourceful, meaning that this task is simply a priority based on its value and necessity, and has little to do with someones personality. Unfortunately I find that when asked about the first time people were told they were being ‘lazy, it was from a parent or caregiver who was unsuccessfully attempting to motivate the child without a good understanding of the way this idea would be carried forward. In nature, animals spend a lot of their time being idle [https://www.jstor.org/stable/4216378?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents]. Most of the footage shot of big cats like lions are of them lazing around. Part of this is because many of them are nocturnal, but its also because animals will hunt, forage, and eat until theyre full, and then most of the rest of their time is spent conserving energy. Laying around doing pretty much nothing is completely natural. Its adaptive. Yet laziness has this negative connotation in many human societies. And that negative connotation is often deployed in ableist, racist, and classist ways. Laying around doing pretty much nothing is completely natural. Its adaptive. [https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=%E2%80%9CLaying+around+doing+pretty+much+nothing+is+completely+natural.+It%E2%80%99s+adaptive.%E2%80%9D&via=ESTBLSHMNT&related=ESTBLSHMNT&url=http://www.theestablishment.co/?p=12868]_ [https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=%E2%80%9CLaying+around+doing+pretty+much+nothing+is+completely+natural.+It%E2%80%99s+adaptive.%E2%80%9D&via=ESTBLSHMNT&related=ESTBLSHMNT&url=http://www.theestablishment.co/?p=12868] Basically every race of color has been called lazy by white people in the U.S. at one time or another. This is completely absurd considering the fact that people of color built this nation with their bare hands. From the Chinese immigrants building our railroads to our entire economy being built on the backs of black slaves, the United States owes everything to exploited, underpaid, and incredibly hard-working people of color. Today, we can all enjoy reasonably priced produce thanks to the many exploited Latin undocumented immigrant workers picking our fruit and vegetables—labor that is so intensive that we non-lazy white people simply cant handle it. And lets not forget that all of this land was stolen from the Indigenous tribes that were here before we floated over and laid claim to it all. Isnt stealing other peoples hard work supposed to be lazy? Or is it just that its easier to call people lazy than admit that you exploited them? Even if youre not racist, youve probably used the idea of laziness in a way that hurts a lot of people. I still struggle with an anxiety disorder and go through bouts of depression, and a lot of whats involved in these mental illnesses looks like what people call laziness. Depression saps your energy and makes everything seem pointless. Anxiety is paralyzing, making even some of the simplest tasks (like calling people on the phone) seem daunting, so I avoid them. Combine the two and youve got me huddled into a ball on the bed, unable to do anything but listen to Netflix playing in the background. It looks like laziness, but Im actually engaged in an exhausting war in my own head. Anxiety is like pushing a giant boulder in front of you wherever you go, and depression is like dragging a giant boulder attached to your legs by chains. People with physical illness and disability are also prone to being accused of laziness, especially if that illness or disability is not visible to others. There are people who are nearly constantly in pain or constantly fatigued, but you would never know by looking at them. These individuals work much harder than able-bodied and healthy people. Not only do they often have to work to survive because disability payments (if they can get them) are not nearly enough, they have to navigate a world that caters to able-bodied people, and they have to navigate that world while their bodies work against them. But article after article decries the laziness of people who use motorized carts or take elevators up one floor instead of using the stairs, not for a second thinking that there are people who wouldnt be able to shop or go up floors at all without these conveniences. Is it just easier to call people lazy than admit that you exploited them? [https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=%E2%80%9CIs+it+just+easier+to+call+people+lazy+than+admit+that+you+exploited+them%3F%E2%80%9D&via=ESTBLSHMNT&related=ESTBLSHMNT&url=http://www.theestablishment.co/?p=12868]_ [https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=%E2%80%9CIs+it+just+easier+to+call+people+lazy+than+admit+that+you+exploited+them%3F%E2%80%9D&via=ESTBLSHMNT&related=ESTBLSHMNT&url=http://www.theestablishment.co/?p=12868] Its not just articles, either. Politicians demonize people who are too sick or disabled to work, calling them lazy as justification for taking away the meager allowance our government gives them—which is not enough to live on, let alone cover medical bills. That ableism intersects with classism, with people assuming that those living in poverty or on welfare must be too lazy to go to school or get a better job. Racism shows its face here, as well, particularly in the myth of the welfare queen. And the hatred leveled at fat individuals under the guise of thinking them lazy can be very intense. Its easier to think of someone as lazy than to face the fact that school costs too much, that better jobs are inaccessible, that childcare is unaffordable, that people are forced to work so hard for so little that theres no way they could have enough energy to attempt schooling or finding better work, and that what we give to people who cant work is insufficient to the point of being shameful. I could say that calling people lazy is, in itself, lazy, but its not just an intellectual shortcut. Its a defense mechanism. Everyone has a finite amount of energy. Some of us have greater drains on our pool of energy than others, whether it comes from the stress of racial microaggressions, the stress of poverty, or mental or physical illness. Needing more time to recover isnt laziness. Having less time or energy to make breakfast than the previous generation isnt laziness. When you take a second to look into the reasons behind the behavior, youll never end up finding laziness. Because laziness isnt real. LINDSEY WEEDSTON [http://www.theestablishment.co/author/lindsey-weedston/] Lindsey is a Seattle-area writer, blogger, and Netflix watcher. She owns the blog Not Sorry Feminism. Hobbies include spending too much money on video games she doesn't have time to play and books she doesn't have time to read.
Relationships and PTSD related to sexual assault
Trauma Support / by joycejoycejoyce
Last post
January 21st, 2017
...See more I didn't think that this topic would be hard. I thought that I knew my needs related to PTSD and relationships. I decided to be transparent about my trauma and how it impacts me, and tried to choose relationships in which that is respected. But many times I have allowed people to push on and break my boundaries. I think I also have a habit of falling into relationships that are abusive or have unhealthy power dynamics. I am trying to understand that more, too, I guess. Right now I am in a situation where I have been in a relationship for over 3 years, married for one as of September. But I feel like my trauma history and how that manifests in my life are not something that my partner has every really understood. Sometimes they say things or affirm things and verbal acknowledge or claim to understand but other things make it clear that there is no understanding and it is so painful. One thing that keeps happening is that they conflate sex and rape. I can't stand that. And if I talk about having specific needs related to sex to avoid or manage or process triggers, they get upset saying they can't stand that they remind me of being raped. This morning we were having a conversation that was triggering to me. I told my partner that my anxiety was rising and I just needed a minute. Ever since then they say they aren't mad at me but are acting upset. We aren't even talking. It's so uncomfortable. I hate it. I needed to say all that, and probably more, but I was wondering if anyone else has been in such a situation. What boundaries do you set in relationships? How has that worked? What do you do when your boundaries are violated? Do you question your perception of things obsessively? I do and I feel that I am easily manipulated as a result.
Badges & Awards
20 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Chief Chat Honest Voice Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community Collaborator First Compassion Helpful heart Bundled Forum Companion Forum Helper Forum Buddy Strong Bond I