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joseangellll1
1 75 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Age GroupTeen Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 28, 2023
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Struggling with loving myself..
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by joseangellll1
Last post
 February 28th, 2023
...See more hi, this is my first time ever really seeking help. I’ve never ever really thought I needed it. I’m just gonna vent really quick.. I was talking to this guy name Junior back in August-September, I never really thought any of it would go anywhere but he just let me open up to him without judging me…I loved how he understood me so well. I just liked everything about him fast forward October comes I give him a big bouquet of flowers on the week of his birthday because his birthday is the day after mine. I put so much effort into this talking stage because I truly did think he loved me the way I loved him. But soon everything started feeling one sided..not like it didn’t feel like it before. But it was more and more. I found out he started dating a girl the day after I gave him the bouquet of flowers. My heart drops and I just lose it. I loved him so much and it was hard I will admit it was hard to comprehend what was going on. I tried forgetting about him by going out with other guys but nothing felt the same. Absolutely nothing made me feel the way he made me feel. It upsetted me so much. November comes and I start dating this guy named Adrien and yea at first it was exciting and I was just happy to have someone…I start getting into weed and I start talking to him less and less everyday. We break up in December because he told me I had “issues” and I will admit I did..Words cannot explain how stupid I felt that entire month I felt worthless and just mentally exhausted from everything. Fast forward Christmas break and me and junior are talking again but as friends and he’s just kinda there. Fast forward February…I start talking to adrien after he broke up with his gf. I did think it was kind of weird how he could just move on so quickly and yea I didn’t think anything of it I was just happy he was back. But later that week I find out through one of his friends that he was planning on cheating on me with his ex gf and that just tears me apart because before this we would meet up every single day and just hangout and yea I will admit we did do some things but it was never too far. I feel so used and a bunch of my friends told me the same thing that I was being used for sex. But I was delusional and I didn’t care what my friends thought about him because I loved him and I just don’t love myself enough to make better decisions. I can’t find a way to move myself and it’s affecting me so much. I just let people use me over and over again it’s getting to the point where I just hate the way I look I hate things about me that I didn’t use to hate. Maybe if I wasn’t so stubborn or naive I wouldn’t have gotten used again and it’s just *** me up so much.
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