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joDazed
82 10,424 M Pacing Forward 3
PathStep 32 Compassion hearts1,980 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceOctober 14, 2024
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If you ever feel like a failure, know that I've failed even worse in life than you. If you want to know how I've failed, click on the link below:

I've reached my lowest low, and I feel hopeless


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I've reached my lowest low, and I feel hopeless
Depression Support / by joDazed
Last post
 December 14th
...See more This post has been a long time in the making. I felt like I needed some outlet to lay it all out. I'd like to apologise in advance for this long-winded and rambling rant, but unfortunately it is the best I can do at the moment. I'm a total loser: nearly 30, unemployed, friendless, living with my parents, still not fully recovered from a breakup two years ago. I'd been suppressing my discontent with myself for a long time until I reached my breaking point a few months ago. Ever since then, I've agonised over the state of my life every single day with no end in sight. I feel abnormal. People just don't have problems like this. I don't belong anywhere. There's an invisible barrier of separation between me and normal, happy, functioning people. Even if I succeeded in re-entering the society somehow, why would anyone accept me? My shameful past is bound to come up eventually. How could I explain it to them without them rejecting me outright? In some sense, my life was not supposed to turn out like this. I did well at school, and I attained a reasonably high level of education with great difficulty. Yet, deep down, I knew that I would end up like this from a very young age. Despite knowing what would await me, I was either too proud or too afraid to seek the help I needed. How could I be so irresponsible and stupid? I do have a semblance of a plan. I'm attending career counselling which hopefully helps me find employment or further education opportunities. But even if it succeeds, will it change anything? Am I simply too damaged to live a fulfilling life? Will I ever catch up to my peers? Is it all too late? I'm at rock bottom, and I don't know what the solution is - or if there even is one.
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