jinx2095 Member Profile

...See more I've been thinking about "being normal". I'm always judging myself because in my mind, the idea of me of how I should talk, think, act, is so different to reality. I have people who cares about me, but in the inside I don't feel connected with them. So I feel guilty most of the time for not being a good friend to them. I grew up with this descriptions about me (from family, classmates, neighbors... etc), people who said "She's so talented, she has a very bright future", "she's a good girl", "She's smart, sure she'll have success". But as the time goes by, any of those descriptions really happened, and now I'm feeling like a failure. I hide myself from everyone. I've been depressed for a very long time, but I didn't know it was depression, because I always worked, or study, and kept my mind busy. But every night, or as soon as I was with no plan ahead, I felt like my life meant nothing. It's like I just feel really motivated for things that other people tell me to do. So I constantly say to myself "I want to be normal, I want to do daily routines, and live a life with my own motivations, not living for somebody else." But, what do normal people really do? What is it to be normal? I'm in the journey discovering what really matters to me. But I think I'm getting so comfortable with doing nothing everyday. Just sleep, scrolling on the phone, eat, barely doing housechores and I'm unemployed, so that's really not helping at all. And people said I'm very talented, but I don't know how to match my "skills or abilities" with a career. I just wanted to express all of this thought somewhere, because I think it helps me to understand what's going on in my head.

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