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jacnotjac
19,363 M Progress Road 8
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts233 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 13, 2019
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May I find potential.
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I'm turning 27 in a few days and I don't feel good about it...
Anxiety Support / by jacnotjac
Last post
 September 18th, 2019
...See more Dear Reader, Actually, I feel very 'meh' about turning 27. I don't see any reason to celebrate... The only ones who want to celebrate it are my parents. It's like a traditional thing like people have to celebrate birthdays. Reflecting on my 20s, it feels like I have no control over my life and no matter how much positive efforts I do (like sleeping early, taking care of my health, limiting screen time, and you name it all), it all backslides to shit. It's like an endless hamster wheel. Tiring shit. I know you have to look at the positive things in your life but to be honest, I don't feel very positive about my life for many years. I'm probably some video game NPC in life. Others are born the protagonist and I'm the NPC. It feels like those dreams I have are out of reach and probably will continue to be a 'meh.' I can't really help but think that some people are just extremely lucky to be born in the RIGHT environment, RIGHT family, and RIGHT intelligence and u you probably cannot deny the compounding effect of starting out RIGHT. I resent my parent's delusional thinking of "there's still hope, you're still young" and programming that to my brain since I was young. Every time I asked them why my classmates were succeeding in school they would just shout at me, say mean things, leaving me hurt, numbing myself through TV and video games and junk food. When I needed emotional support from them for my depression, I was told I was 'being ungrateful in life' and that 'therapy a waste of money' or 'mental illness is not real.' If there's a thing to wish for, I wish I had a proactive supportive environment in my life. Those who can push me to be BETTER and WANT TO BE LIKE. Not be surrounded with people who I DON'T WANT to be like because those are the kind of people I'm surrounded with my whole life--living in denial, not living their potential, stuck in jobs they HATE, no true abundance, and not EARNING their success because often it was HANDED down to them by some person. Sorry to be a downer...but I am grateful to see communities like these where you can be safe to rant shit like this. More power to all of us. To your healing and success, Jac
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