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ivoryLand5127
1,836 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 16 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts31 Forum upvotes27 Current upvotes27 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2017 Member sinceSeptember 12, 2015
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Missing Pieces
Trauma Support / by ivoryLand5127
Last post
 November 3rd, 2015
...See more It's the little things that I can't remember that bother me. My little brother and sister went to live with an aunt for a year or two when they were 4/5 yrs old. I remember my mom crying about it. But why did they have to go? It doesn't make sense to me. I was homeschooled for 4th and 5th grade (around the same time). But why, when we went to public school all the other years before and after just fine? I had fantasies of abuse from a VERY young age. How did those things get in my head? Why did I have so many quirks when I went back to public school in the 6th grade? I remember wearing a sweater EVERY DAY, even in the middle of summer, because the thought of taking it off made me panic. That's also my earliest memory of self-harming. So many questions that I can't answer and I don't know what to make of it.
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I feel guilty
Trauma Support / by ivoryLand5127
Last post
 October 25th, 2015
...See more This happened back in high school, several years ago. A male classmate was talking to his friend about how he had raped a girl over the weekend. He didn't call it rape, but he said she was crying and saying to stop and he didn't. I was sitting behind him and was horrified and shocked at what I was hearing. He turned and looked at me at some point, looking like he was amused at my reaction. The next day he walked up to my desk and pressed his parts against my arm. I told him to stop but he didn't, so I turned my back to him. He kept standing there for what felt like forever. I was trapped in my seat. His friend was laughing. It's been years but a recent conversation brought this memory back. Mostly I'm just angry at myself now for not standing up to him when he was talking about the other girl. I should have called him out on his actions... Punched him in the face for being a scumbag... Something. But I did nothing. And maybe if I had, then he wouldn't have bothered me later, either.
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