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intuitiveClementine4701
65,825 M Confident Walk 11
PathStep 89 Compassion hearts627 Forum posts35 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2020 Member sinceMarch 8, 2018
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My past
Trauma Support / by intuitiveClementine4701
Last post
 November 4th, 2018
...See more im not really sure where to start or what to say but I think this is the right place. I blocked out my past and around march this year it all came back to me at once with some realisation that it wasnt as normal as I thought. My parents got married young. My mum was probably too young. I remember him hitting her when I was small. They split up and used us as weapons against each other. I remember going to visit him and they would both say bad things against each other all the time. Im honestly not sure how bad things where at his house as I believed it was bad and he was horrible as I believed what my mum said. I do remeber him hitting us though and I remember him being very controlling. He also had a girlfriend that my mum hated but I really liked her. Whatever my mum said about her I seemed to ignore as I liked her. I remember hating it if she wasnt there though as I didnt really like going to see my dad. He did some things Im not sure how bad what he did is. Ive not got my head round that one yet. Anyway he had an affair with his best friends wife. She was in his bed one morning when we got up and his girlfriend was on the floor sleeping. She got kicked out. I decided after a while I didnt want to go there. He said he would accept it but he didnt. My parents fought in court over us. We had meetings were social workers would go over lots of family stuff. Nobody ever spoke to us properly and the meetings were in a big room and very scary for a kid. I cried through every one I couldnt talk it was in front of a few people. I would get myself into such a state before them. I guess I decided nobody wanted to know. I became withdrawn and didnt talk to anyone much especially adults. In the meantime there was also a family member hurting me another way. I would get dragged behind sofa. Sat on and pinned down and you can work out the rest. I dont even know half of what happened and how many times and some bits are blocked out and its all a bit muddled up. The boyfriend my mum was with I liked but they were always shouting at each other. I spent a lot of the time crying when they were shouting and hitting each other. I remember sat on the stairs many times crying my eyes out listening to them. My mum always adored my sister I thought maybe I was adopted or I had done something wrong she would always side with her on everything and they were always loving towards each other. Anyway the guy left after a very heated argument. Things were Ok ish as the three of us there was still the normal mum and sister and Im not so important stuff but I guess I was used to that. I was a good kid I tried to be perfect but it didnt matter I was never good enough. Things didnt stay like this for long she didnt pay mortgage or anything so we got thrown out of house but she decided to move in with a man down the road. He seemed really nice we were happy about it. In fact he was nice in the day but then he would drink. It was then you never knew what would happen. He would become violent hit out and shout. Then he would throw things you learnt to get out the way. I was terrified he would go too far. One night was really bad he threw a glass coffee pot and how it hit nobody I really dont know. There was glass all over. I tried to get out the house to go get help but he told me if I left he would break my neck. They were hitting each other and he was dragging my mum round the house and when he went upstairs I ran out the house. His mum lived in the same street so I went there for help. We got out and was sent to a refuge place. Mum and my sis would stay in one place and I would be sent somewhere else
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