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intellectualGrapefruit6085
2 4,089 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 116 Compassion hearts229 Forum posts51 Forum upvotes55 Current upvotes55 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 13, 2024
Recent forum posts
Eternal agony with an alcoholic parent and me being too traumatized to move out
General Support / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 October 24th
...See more Mom was really drunk yesterday as she is when first shift and said terrible things. I tried to fall asleep but she was yelling at my sister three times this night and my sister was so helpless, she was yelling back. It hurts me for them to think i was peacefully sleeping because i was not but if i interfered, it would be World War 3. This place would blow. I had decided to move out to dad's appartment but all night i got nightmares about the place. I texted him just for support but since he doesn't understand it i pretended i texted to ask for internet and tv plan for there. He called me and said something that's cheap yes but it offers nothing. 20mphs wifi when i can get 200 for the same price but with contract and after 1 year, the price doubles. The thing is that idk if i can make it for one year or eternity. I haven't been there since 4 years. He told he moved the tv to the kitchen because the cable wasn't long enough. Also the fridge is dead. I had nightmares that the place was unregnisable, full of kids drawings on the walls and full of babies of neighbours who were asking where "the nice baby from the nice family was and if i bought the house" when im the fugging firstborn daughter. They said i can't be his daughter and be so old when he has a baby. Then wild animals appeared. They were on the loose there. Mom yelled at sis multiple times the night but i don't remember, i just remember i was scared. My sister was coughing. She's coughing really bad and mom was telling her to go to a doctor but sis was saying "don't annoy me more". This is a phrase from my parents. I woke up with that thing on my lips that happens when you're stressed and sick. I feel like some evil spirit gets into mom at night. I know this is delusional. I get the vision of a picture of mom chicken sacrificing her legs to bake them for her kids and i feel like a jerk. I wake up and I'm crying. There's no help. I want to go to dad's appartment and work anything but im too mental too work. And it's only getting worse. I just woke up and I'm crying. I know i can scare you with being so real but i have nothing left than screaming for help
Trying to rebound with a long distance addict ex. My only relationship. I miss him
Relationship Stress / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 June 24th
...See more So i ended up so crazy that i asked a psychic about what's going on waiting for some relief and he said he has another girl. Now om feeling worse. Plus feeling worse o gave money. I couldn't control myself. I texted at 3am, he saw them and left me on seen, and the conversation was good, ot was pretty spicy and i can't believe he left that on seen. Now it's 6am. I can't. I feel bad i lost some money especially with my situation. I feel bad it made me feel worse. He has given me doubts but if i ask, im breaking down everything and if he confirms, my final exam is doomed. I just needed someone to talk to. Here it's lonely and im anxious. I basically have no family and friends. I tried to reach out to him, felt bad, paid for attention and felt worse. I need 24/7 psychologist. Im not okay since 4 years
No hope for me
Depression Support / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 June 3rd
...See more Trauma is burning me. Mom's drinking and having three free days when she can drink all day. At my accommodation my trauma eats me alive. Im graduating and i have to get a job but i have to pick a city and both options are bad. It's hard to take care of myself and the household with my depression. Leave alone work and pay rent. Otherwise i have to bear mom and a city without friends and therapy. I'm so tired. Everyone else is progressing with life and i just suffer 24/7
Idk whether to go back home and admit defeat and live w my abusive mom or stay at uni city, find a job, live alone and struggle to take care of myself
20 & Over Community / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 May 2nd
...See more When i finish with studies dad will stop paying my rent and I will have to either go home permanently or find a job and stay here permanently and im terrible at taking care of myself and live alone and on a tiny, dirty place but at home mom's drinking and worrying me. If i knew what im doing, i would know whether to stay here this week or go home. I don't even have water
My past is ruining my future
General Support / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 May 4th
...See more I don't feel well here, living in a tiny ceiling room all alone, struggling to take care of it and myself, both in critical conditions. But if i return home, mom will start abusing me and triggering me. And soon dad will stop my child support and I will have to either live with mom and be treated like *** if im jobless or work here but i can't sleep at night because of ptsd
I can't adult. It's so lonely at 20+. Just my ptsd, nausea, sleepless nights, dad who left, drunk mom, potential partners want just physical
20 & Over Community / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 May 9th
...See more Whatever i do i always wake up at 2am nauseous. I suffer with nausea since i was born. Dad really helped because he's a doctor but now he left. Mom's an option because i can sleep at home without feeling sick but she's not an option at the same time because she's drinking and having her own mental illness and makes me feel worse. I need to adult but im just alone and scared and nauseous at night and need dad or someone to hug me. I'm a big baby, i hate it, i need someone. But i have to adult. The option is getting a boyfriend but everyone i text with just wants one thing and leaves when they see i want to see if i can rely on them. I can't even function, i can't sleep or eat normally, how will i work so i can afford to live outside mom's house? Soon i graduate and dad will stop the child support
I realised i have nobody at 20+. It's just me, my ptsd, my parents' issue and guys who only want me for the physical
Relationship Stress / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 June 4th
...See more I don't feel well. whatever i do to go to bed early i always wake up nauseous at the middle of the night, wanting someone around. my dad has a new house now and it hurts me i will never sleep in the same place as him ever. he's a doctor and always helped me when i was sick. since i was born i was nauseous. now my therapist said i want a boyfriend to replace my dad. i do feel comforted by men but then repulsed as they say it "you don't want to sleep with me, you only want to really sleep". I need to see if i can trust them. not risk my emotional and physical health for people who only care about the physical. so another night im alone. I actually never met anyone. it ends at texting as they see i have no intention and that I'm physically and mentally unwell. and need help as a human being
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