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intellectualGrapefruit6085
1 4,179 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 116 Compassion hearts256 Forum posts66 Forum upvotes82 Current upvotes82 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 13, 2024
Recent forum posts
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24 and everyone is leaving me. My sister is getting 18, dad moved away, mom is getting older, grandparents are losing their minds from aging
20 & Over Community / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 January 7th
...See more My mother and sister came to get documents and luggage for there. It broke my heart and my stomach. My father abandoning me I developed c-ptsd, now my sister abandoning me, I will take to do some bpd and jinx left by vi-core depression. Ah, I hate my psychology degrees. And if anything happens to my mother, from age or drinking, I'll just follow her at best. Why am I so bad?
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My world is shattered. Bankrupted. I can't work with my c-ptsd
Trauma Support / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 December 4th, 2024
...See more I can't even type. My head hurts like *** and i feel like throwing up. Mom came and said we don't have money and i should start a job or get disability status and pension. And that she's not responsible for me and dad will stop the child support for sis. My world is shattered. I tried to get a job and to work but i couldn't. She said the things i worry about that she won't be forever alive and is not healthy. I'm shattered. She said she needs to pay my insurance (i don't even have insurance) so i can go to the psychiatrist and ask for disability status and pension. Im scared if the commission doesn't give me the status. She would have paid my insurance for nothing. I can't even think. I feel like im on a boat. Dad broke us and moved out so he can get twice the salary he had while helping me in uni and now wants to give up? Does his baby have Gucci diapers? While here im basically disabled and i basically get myself sick eating trash and can't even go to the doctor or call an ambulance
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Am i able to work with my mental health? Mom is getting older and dad left us. I got a job today but i can't stop crying
General Support / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 December 20th, 2024
...See more So my dad visited and said "for 250$ it's not worh going to the internship and participating in the fraud". I decided to rest but a German-American guy called me for a job i applied for long ago. I mistook hundred and thousand. I thought he would pay me 3050 but when i read the contract i saw 350$. That's a Bulgarian salary. I can't believe the company is in Florida. And i don't have health insurance, retirement insurance and the job is overwhelming because i had to download 3 virtual office apps and i struggle with my camera. Also i have to call the customers and my phone bill will be insane. Im a recruitment assistant. But i don't know why i need 5 virtual office apps to do that when there's google meet and when i will be calling people by phone. Maybe it's just anxiety and overwhelm. But i really don't know whether to quit. I have to be in meetings and also decide who to reject and hire. Maybe it's better for the winter months but the internship would be better because they would pay me 250$ but with insurance and experience and as a psychologist but the boss is crazy, she's determined to scam me. Maybe im just having a panic attack. I forgot English. I was like a totally dumb person, the HR was telling me how to register in the 15664 apps and i couldn't even turn on my camera and she said i need to buy a camera. Phone bills, camera, insurance... I don't want to lose. But hear me out - i don't want to sponsor Bulgarian stealing of funds and the boss is crazy. Maybe work two months remote while it's cold outside and my health is bad and im at chance of slipping on ice like last year and then try to get a Bulgarian job. Maybe all jobs are different. But i really thought America paid better than Bulgaria not worse. Maybe im just stressed. I can't stop crying. I don't want to show up tommorow. I don't want to fix my camera. I don't want to reject people. I don't want to be there everyday. 3 hours felt like 9. I haven't even eaten. I only want expensive chicken nuggets, otherwise I feel nauseous. Also my phone bill, my electricity bill.
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Eternal agony with an alcoholic parent and me being too traumatized to move out
General Support / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 November 20th, 2024
...See more Mom was really drunk yesterday as she is when first shift and said terrible things. I tried to fall asleep but she was yelling at my sister three times this night and my sister was so helpless, she was yelling back. It hurts me for them to think i was peacefully sleeping because i was not but if i interfered, it would be World War 3. This place would blow. I had decided to move out to dad's appartment but all night i got nightmares about the place. I texted him just for support but since he doesn't understand it i pretended i texted to ask for internet and tv plan for there. He called me and said something that's cheap yes but it offers nothing. 20mphs wifi when i can get 200 for the same price but with contract and after 1 year, the price doubles. The thing is that idk if i can make it for one year or eternity. I haven't been there since 4 years. He told he moved the tv to the kitchen because the cable wasn't long enough. Also the fridge is dead. I had nightmares that the place was unregnisable, full of kids drawings on the walls and full of babies of neighbours who were asking where "the nice baby from the nice family was and if i bought the house" when im the fugging firstborn daughter. They said i can't be his daughter and be so old when he has a baby. Then wild animals appeared. They were on the loose there. Mom yelled at sis multiple times the night but i don't remember, i just remember i was scared. My sister was coughing. She's coughing really bad and mom was telling her to go to a doctor but sis was saying "don't annoy me more". This is a phrase from my parents. I woke up with that thing on my lips that happens when you're stressed and sick. I feel like some evil spirit gets into mom at night. I know this is delusional. I get the vision of a picture of mom chicken sacrificing her legs to bake them for her kids and i feel like a jerk. I wake up and I'm crying. There's no help. I want to go to dad's appartment and work anything but im too mental too work. And it's only getting worse. I just woke up and I'm crying. I know i can scare you with being so real but i have nothing left than screaming for help
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Trying to rebound with a long distance addict ex. My only relationship. I miss him
Relationship Stress / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 June 24th, 2024
...See more So i ended up so crazy that i asked a psychic about what's going on waiting for some relief and he said he has another girl. Now om feeling worse. Plus feeling worse o gave money. I couldn't control myself. I texted at 3am, he saw them and left me on seen, and the conversation was good, ot was pretty spicy and i can't believe he left that on seen. Now it's 6am. I can't. I feel bad i lost some money especially with my situation. I feel bad it made me feel worse. He has given me doubts but if i ask, im breaking down everything and if he confirms, my final exam is doomed. I just needed someone to talk to. Here it's lonely and im anxious. I basically have no family and friends. I tried to reach out to him, felt bad, paid for attention and felt worse. I need 24/7 psychologist. Im not okay since 4 years
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No hope for me
Depression Support / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 June 3rd, 2024
...See more Trauma is burning me. Mom's drinking and having three free days when she can drink all day. At my accommodation my trauma eats me alive. Im graduating and i have to get a job but i have to pick a city and both options are bad. It's hard to take care of myself and the household with my depression. Leave alone work and pay rent. Otherwise i have to bear mom and a city without friends and therapy. I'm so tired. Everyone else is progressing with life and i just suffer 24/7
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Idk whether to go back home and admit defeat and live w my abusive mom or stay at uni city, find a job, live alone and struggle to take care of myself
20 & Over Community / by intellectualGrapefruit6085
Last post
 May 2nd, 2024
...See more When i finish with studies dad will stop paying my rent and I will have to either go home permanently or find a job and stay here permanently and im terrible at taking care of myself and live alone and on a tiny, dirty place but at home mom's drinking and worrying me. If i knew what im doing, i would know whether to stay here this week or go home. I don't even have water
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