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indigoOrange9898
2,553 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts187 Forum posts105 Forum upvotes86 Current upvotes86 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceJune 6, 2021
Recent forum posts
Why can't I find a job that makes me happy
Depression Support / by indigoOrange9898
Last post
 March 18th, 2023
...See more I used to study art, until I thought I wouldn't make enough money doing so. I was good at it, but I didn't want to do it. I get influenced so easily...And what did I do? I started working as a software engineer and I'm horrible at it. I can't quit now. But I'm learning really really slow...I come home everyday unsatisfied about my performance. I study, but it doesn't help me to solve my issues. I don't know what I should do. Last week I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I went outside at night, crying on a parkbench and reflecting my life. That I don't know how to continue and giving up seems so much easier than to keep going. That without my boyfriend my life would look a lot different, not sure if better or even worse..I've lost my passion about things I liked. I get respected by many now for working in IT instead of art. A friend of mine told me: the worlds needs people who are good at what they're doing, not what they want to be good at. And I'm not good at what I'm doing, I quit what I was good at. He said it would take him soo much longer to be good at what I'm good at while I would finish it in no time. It seems like I completely failed myself and sabotaged my future.
Anxious for the new year
Depression Support / by indigoOrange9898
Last post
 January 8th, 2023
...See more Last year was actually good compared to how it looked like in 2021, even tho I quit studying. I have a perspective now, a well paid part time job and an paid internship in a great IT company. Life is getting more serious and that's what is so scary to me. I'm an Adult with ADHD and yet I still can't put myself together to study more for my internship. I'll struggle if I'm not making more effort, but somehow I can't focus enough. What if I'm simply not smart enough? If I'm too lazy? Why can't I just sit like a normal person and focus on studying for hours? I'm afraid that my Boss will think I'm not good enough or too lazy. I'm glad my supervisors see my potential, but how long can I keep this up before I'm becoming a burden, because I'm not making enough effort? This year didn't start great, I had no expectations and it's already below that...
Forgetting who I am
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by indigoOrange9898
Last post
 December 24th, 2022
...See more I've always been very easy manipulated or influenced and it has become an issue for me. I don't think I know who I am and I don't know if I was ever able to have found myself. I'm in a relationship since I was a Teen and there was only a few months when I was able to find who I was as an individual, when my boyfriend broke up with me. We're back together now and more mature. But all my life I've felt like I was living for others, for other people's liking. The time when I was an individual, I was doing "risky" things such as going to a party with random people or other "risky" things. But I've found friends that were mine, that had nothing to do with my relationship. I feel like I'm losing who I am as an individual, like I don't know what makes me specifically myself. I felt like I was slowly developing who I was, until I got back with my boyfriend. I love him, but I don't feel much like myself.
not used to not having friends
Relationship Stress / by indigoOrange9898
Last post
 October 21st, 2022
...See more Hey, in my old school, I was used to having friends or people around me. I had classmates who would wait for me infront of the door to spend time druing our break. I was bullied when I was a child so I'm not talking much to others anymore, trying to make friends or getting attention. I'm now in business school and I understand that people care less, because everyone got their own issues. But I don't really have friends here, I often sit alone in class, because everyone else have a partner to work with or friends. No one waits for me. In the break I often stand next to some classmates and don't really talk much, because I don't want to make the mistake of talking too much and end up being called a weirdo or something. No one really does small talk, it's often me who has to start a conversation. What am I doing wrong?
should I break up?
Relationship Stress / by indigoOrange9898
Last post
 October 29th, 2022
...See more my boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago now, he apologised and tried to make it better. He really does, I was toxic in the past and he cheated on me to get away from me. He used to do everything for me while I wasn't as serious about the relationship as he was. We are doing better now, but sometimes I still feel mistrust, discomfort and just want distance. Especially when things come up that relates to him cheating on me. I can't explain how exactly I feel. He's very serious about our relationship and I'm trying to be that too, but triggers of the past hurt me.
feeling disgusting
Relationship Stress / by indigoOrange9898
Last post
 November 2nd, 2022
...See more My boyfriend and I used to sleep together a lot, but now it comes down to 3 times a week and we're both in our 20s. Couples in our friendship sleep with each other like everyday. But what hurts me the most is that we used to have $ex even if I would be on my period but he refuses and when I asked him why, he said because I taught him more about hygiene, such as only laying in bed with clean clothes. And he says it feels different. I just feel disgusting knowing that he used to be very horny and would not mind if I'm on my period, but now he's less horny and I can't think of another reason than, that I'm unattractive, ugly and disgusting. I'm on my period right now and my self esteem is bad.
lending money to mother in law behind my boyfriends back
Family & Caregivers / by indigoOrange9898
Last post
 September 14th, 2022
...See more My boyfriends family has money issues. They can't handle money very well. They spent every money they got, because they used to have nothing. My boyfriends mother is the biggest problem, she had borrowed so much money, she can't pay back, so she always asks my boyfriend for the money, now he's in dept too. Because he doesn't expect her to get him the money back. Last time I lend his older sister money and she promised me to give it back and she did, then she told it her mom and now his mom asked me for money. I can't do that...My boyfriend is pissed that she's asking everyone for money, because she's already deep in dept, but still wants to be able to afford expensive things. I told my boyfriend about it, because it felt like the right thing to do. But I would like to hear others opinions on all that.
Never being good enough
Anxiety Support / by indigoOrange9898
Last post
 September 14th, 2022
...See more I got cheated on by the person I loved and trusted the most on the past. And it has been effecting my life a lot. I struggle with wanting to be the best version of myself. I always want to be good enough. Looking the best I can, working a lot and being a great girlfriend and roommate. Today I did a mistake by washing something wrong and my boyfriend told his sister, then he told me what I did wrong and I'm so extremely embarrassed. It gets me back to not being good enough.
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