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indigoHouse9598
1 3,649 M Seeking Light 2
PathStep 26 Compassion hearts59 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2016 Member sinceJuly 19, 2015
Recent forum posts
Traumatic experience
Trauma Support / by indigoHouse9598
Last post
 July 21st, 2015
...See more Hie Everyone As a child l witnessed my parents fighting almost daily, and it made me dislike my dad, l saw him cheat on my mum, until they divorced. Growing up, my mum beat me up for every little thing, l was scared of her, l should think l was a punching bag she couldnt cope with her inconsiderate husband and so everytime l dd something small she just lost it, snapped and beat the hell out of me. We eventually became friends after they divorced as she became this loving person after that. As if that was not enough l was molested by a female cousin of mine while l was also female. I later on turned to masturbation which was terrible as it lowered my self esteem. I always wish l had stopped my cousin because l feel l lost my childhood because of that. I also stayed with people who made me work and do all the work yet cared very little for me, and in all that l did all they required without being able to say no, for a long time l lost controll of who l was. NOW I WANT TO TAKE CONTROLL OF MY LIFE AND I WANT TO GET VER MY GRIEF. I later on stayed with my dad who demanded money from me, when ever l said l ddnt have it, he would lose it and snap, but still l wouldnt give it to him, l was determined to show him that l wasnt scared but sadly in all that l lost myself and became this hard loveless cold human. l hated him for asking for money from me, because he divorced my mum and never took his place after that and now he was trying to make me feel obliged to give him my money and l thought he never deserved that, t was my salary and what l dd with it, was my baby., its whatl thought. All this trying to prove to my dad tht l wasnt scared of him, harderned my heart, now l dont understand love, l dont understand how to even see love, and sometimes l dont even feel it. I moved out of my dad's place but my family is a bit complicatedwhen l think lm over it, ey just do or say something and l snap back into depression, anger haterd and coldness. I WANT MY LIFE AND HEART BACK AS IF I WAS BORN YESTERDAY AND I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE.
Listening to myself
Anxiety Support / by indigoHouse9598
Last post
 July 23rd, 2015
...See more Hie Everyone I ddnt know listening to myself was important until l came here, l really wasnt listening to myself, l have social anxiety issues, always seeking approval from others, and when lm in public l fear getting out of my cocoon, because lve always thought l wasnt pretty enough r wasnt pleasant enough. I always felt disliked by others, and l always felt the need to impress others so they would like me too. This has developed into one big blow in my relationships and personality and I WANT TO CHANGE.
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