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My wife and I made good progress over the weekend; I just wish it hadn't almost cost us everything.

Relationship Stress / by hrichardson8

January 28th, 2020

...See more My wife (let's call her M) and I have taken in one of her friends, a young woman we'll call J. The past few nights J has slept on an air mattress in our living room. M and I have had more than our share of conflict, due mainly to my pornography addiction. Her willingness to trust me has taken a nose-dive. She has learned to be very observant of my actions, and hypercritical of those she considers offensive or suspicious. M is quick to jump to conclusions, especially those she doesn't like. Often she will interrupt someone while they are talking because she thinks she can predict what they are going to say, and she deemed it not worth hearing. This happens quite often with those, like me, she doesn't trust. Around noon on Saturday, the three of us decided to go thrift shopping. I drove my car, with M in the passenger seat next to me and J in the backseat behind me. The backseat of my car is somewhat short, so when I have the rear-view mirror oriented so that I can see the back windshield, I can also see the faces of most any adult sitting in the backseat. Several times I looked at the traffic behind us, but M thought I was looking at J. When they talked later about it, J expressed that she had thought the same thing. So M confronted me about it, and refused to let me explain the misunderstanding. I consciously avoided the risk of even halfway-looking at J for the rest of the day. I sat on a recliner by myself with my eyes closed at the thrift store, except once to find the bathroom, but I took the long way through the store so to dodge everyone else. Once in the car, I pointed the rear-view mirror towards the ceiling. When M asked what that was for, I was finally able to explain why it may have seemed earlier that I was looking at J. She was skeptical, as I had failed to mention this before. We went to a Chinese buffet for dinner. J went ahead to get a table; while standing in the parking lot, I tried to explain to M why I couldn't say what needed to be said (that she had interrupted me), but then she interrupted me again. I had had enough, so I walked away from the conversation. I could hear her saying "Excuse me?" as I opened the door. She approached me in the restaurant, saying that if I ever left her standing alone in a parking lot again, I would be living alone the next day. During dinner I said nothing to anyone and looked at nothing except my food. When we got home, I found a notebook, because I intended to write M a letter (apparently voicing my words wasn't going to work), but I could not find a pen. I asked her if she knew where a pen might be, explaining that I wanted to write her a letter and I have a lot to say. Again she interrupted me, saying that she also had a lot to say, but I left her "standing alone in a parking lot, so..." "I'd like to finish a goddamn sentence every once in a while," I yelled at the closed door. "That's why I need a fucking PEN!" I sat alone on the front porch steps for a long time. Out of boredom, I fetched mail from our mailbox and kicked some gravel around the driveway. As I realized it was too cold to be there much longer, I noticed J driving away (I would later learn that she was visiting another friend and would be coming back). I came back inside and laid down on the bed, facing the wall with my eyes closed. Were anyone able to see my face, they would have seen a permanent "fuck the world" scowl. "Why are you mad at me?" M finally asked. "You interrupted every single thing I said today," I said quietly without moving. "You clearly have no interest in hearing... me." During this conversation, both of us said things that I think both of us regret. Coming to a head, she said "well you can have your life back, then." Taking off her engagement ring: "go sell that." By this point I was leaning against the wall, facing her. "I don't want my life back," I whispered shakily. "I want this to work." Finally she seemed willing to listen to me, and I managed to explain everything that had happened without interruptions. "Okay, I will try to trust you again," she caved. "But you have to give me reasons to."

My wife and I made good progress over the weekend; I just wish it hadn't almost cost us everything.

Addiction Support / by hrichardson8

February 6th, 2020

...See more My wife (let's call her M) and I have taken in one of her friends, a young woman we'll call J. The past few nights J has slept on an air mattress in our living room. M and I have had more than our share of conflict, due mainly to my pornography addiction. Her willingness to trust me has apparently taken a nose-dive. She has learned to be very observant of my actions, and hypercritical of those she considers offensive or suspicious. M is quick to jump to conclusions, especially those she doesn't like. Often she will interrupt someone while they are talking because she thinks she can predict what they are going to say, and she deemed it not worth hearing. This happens quite often with those, like me, she doesn't trust. Around noon on Saturday, the three of us decided to go thrift shopping. I drove my car, with M in the passenger seat next to me and J in the backseat behind me. The backseat of my car is somewhat short, so when I have the rear-view mirror oriented so that I can see the back windshield, I can also see the faces of most any adult sitting in the backseat. Several times I looked at the traffic behind us, but M thought I was looking at J. When they talked later about it, J expressed that she had thought the same thing. So M confronted me about it, and refused to let me explain the misunderstanding. I consciously avoided the risk of even halfway-looking at J for the rest of the day. I sat on a recliner by myself with my eyes closed at the thrift store, except once to find the bathroom, but I took the long way through the store so to dodge everyone else. Once in the car, I pointed the rear-view mirror towards the ceiling. When M asked what that was for, I was finally able to explain why it may have seemed earlier that I was looking at J. She was skeptical, as I had failed to mention this before. We went to a Chinese buffet for dinner. J went ahead to get a table; while standing in the parking lot, I tried to explain to M why I couldn't say what needed to be said (that she had interrupted me), but then she interrupted me again. I had had enough, so I walked away from the conversation. I could hear her saying "Excuse me?" as I opened the door. She approached me in the restaurant, saying that if I ever left her standing alone in a parking lot again, I would be living alone the next day. During dinner I said nothing to anyone and looked at nothing except my food. When we got home, I found a notebook, because I intended to write M a letter (apparently voicing my words wasn't going to work), but I could not find a pen. I asked her if she knew where a pen might be, explaining that I wanted to write her a letter and I have a lot to say. Again she interrupted me, saying that she also had a lot to say, but I left her "standing alone in a parking lot, so..." "I'd like to finish a goddamn sentence every once in a while," I yelled at the closed door. "That's why I need a fucking PEN!" I sat alone on the front porch steps for a long time. Out of boredom, I fetched mail from our mailbox and kicked some gravel around the driveway. As I realized it was too cold to be there much longer, I noticed J driving away (I would later learn that she was visiting another friend and would be coming back). I came back inside and laid down on the bed, facing the wall with my eyes closed. Were anyone able to see my face, they would have seen a permanent fuck-the-world scowl. "Why are you mad at me?" M finally asked. "You interrupted every single thing I said today," I said quietly without moving. "You clearly have no interest in hearing... me." During this conversation, both of us said things that I think both of us regret. Coming to a head, she said "well you can have your life back, then." Taking off her engagement ring: "go sell that." By this point I was leaning against the wall, facing her. "I don't want my life back," I whispered shakily. "I want this to work." Finally she seemed willing to listen to me, and I managed to explain everything that had happened without interruptions. "Okay, I will try to trust you again," she caved. "But you have to give me reasons to trust you."

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