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heartfulSong1012
36,988 M Determined Treads 8
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts478 Forum posts32 Forum upvotes28 Current upvotes28 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 19, 2018
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addicted to a unreal world
Addiction Support / by heartfulSong1012
Last post
 January 31st, 2019
...See more Hello everyone. I'm a 30+ woman, married, have kids, have a nice house, probably having on outside a life some people just dream of. But the real thing is totally different. in the inside. My husband works all days, we barely talk, I am for all the housework, kids care and farm work, because we have a small farm as well, alone, in last years, I kinda lost interest in a lot of stuff, I don't have hobbies really, I stopped doing everything I liked before, I started to overeat aswell, and gain a lot of weight, but in 2015 I introduced to myself games, online games. This one bothers me the most because it keeps you be home and be inactive, sitting in front of your computer. I was able to play games 10hours a day, even during when kids were home and having a huge lack of sleep, because playing during nights a lot. I started playing a game I remember from times I was younger, I meet some people in the game from other parts of the world, and with one person I felt like I am very close because we know a lot of each other, at least I thought we do, everything seemed fine for a year, when I started realizing my life feels like going down somewhere, I was not sure, is it because I barely have contact with my husband, or because I have no friends, or because I am burned out, or are the reason the games. My husband got even more workaholic like he was and we where really emotional separated in one time, and in that time this online friend tried to flirt with me and tell me I should leave my husband, I kinda started to think about to divorce because I was very disappointed how our marriage was, but on another way, everything seems so unreal, what if this person is not what he is telling me, we never meet, and I started to lie to this person more and more and more, so it got so complicated we actually needed to stop talk, it had no sense anymore, so I stopped to talk to this person and told my husband what happened and stopped to play games for a time and talk to any online people. it was a very long isolation time for me and felt huge grief and loneliness, but then I introduced in 2017 games again to my self. I bought myself a ps4 console. and since then I play games again a lot. I still got no friends, I still am overweight, I still don't really exercise, and I feel numb like never before. I probably don't play so much like some really bad addicted people, but it's enough for me to spend all my 3-4hours of free time on playing games, instead to care for myself. It happens a lot of the time I don't shower because I do play games, I don't know what's going on in the country or around me, because I don't talk to anybody else than my kids and husband. Don't watch tv, don't read the news, nothing, but I can play 5-10hours games a day, mostly in the noon when nobody is home, or in the middle of the night I wake up just to get my ''game fix''. I feel so disappointed about my life, I am at a age where all people who would hire me ask me on job interviews, about my work experience, but I don't really have none, after I got my diploma with 25years and birth my 2 kids after that, now with 31, I have just 1year of work experience, with my degree and 1 year factory car work, I get everywhere rejected because that's not enough to get hired. I know playing games is not bad, so long your life is going good and you have a balance,e but I don't have a balance. Everything in my life is about games, even when kids come home I am lost in my mind thinking what I need to do tomorrow in the game. I cant be present with my family. I am over and over trying to start a new life, make my self a schedule and a day plan with new activities to start to build new habits, but I keep failing and going back to games. I know the roots of this are somewhere else, but I hardly work on that, because I keep numb myself with games. Where do I start to change that??? one idea I got its to slowly lower my gaming time, to not have the craving to play more in the end. Is somewho here who was addicted to games aswell, to numb his self and how did you cahnge you life to a more healthy life??? Thank you
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